A Note To All

I found out through the grapevine that this site is causing a lot of stress for people who are reading it. I want you to all know that it was never my intention to cause you stress. It is a very stressful time in my life right now and I need to have some way of letting go of it. I can not keep it bottled up inside of me and so to write down what is going on helps to relieve some of that stress.

I want you all to know that although a couple of the doctors have made some potentially very dangerous mistakes God has stepped in to protect me. I woke up this morning around two and was stressed out about Monday. It is not going to be an easy day and I am very scared. I am not going to go into details because it will cause me to only stress out more. I have to pray that the Lord will be with me to watch over and protect me and to give the nurses and doctors guidance and good judgment as they try to deal with the problems.I need to pray for peace and comfort and ask the Lord to release me from the anxiety which I feel. The Lord will help me through this.

Blood Tests

This morning I'll be going into the hospital for more blood tests. This time it will be to check to make sure that my blood can still clot fast enough to prevent me from losing too much blood should I get a cut or otherwise get injured. I imagine that they will also try to access the port again today to see if it has opened up.
If Dr. Oken is in today and the test results are back from the other blood tests he will likely talk to me about that as well.
I sure have some questions for him.

Radiology Report

I got the radiologists report today. The CT scan showed blood clots in the right axillary, subclavian and cephalic veins. There is a fibrin sheath around the right subclavian Port-A-Cath with luminal narrowing of the right brachiocephalic vein by 40 to 50 %. This fibrin sheath covers the outside of the catheter and is obstructing the opening into the superior vena cava. The contrast did not flow freely away from the tip of the catheter but instead traveled retrograde along the walls of the port- a-cath in a cephalad direction. It is consistent with the passage of the contrast between the catheter wall and the fibrin sheath. Basically, the catheter and the port are blocked by this fibrin sheath, which is why they can not get blood from the port and why it takes so long for it to empty. The nurse told me that to clear the blockage from the catheter they will have to give me the same medication that they would give some one who is having a heart attack.
These problems apparently are not normal and they do not see them very often. There are three blood clotting disorders that they are checking me for. Some are genetic and some are aquired. They drew the blood out of my arm for those tests yesterday and we are still awaitint the results of those tests.
I have been receiving an anti coagulant by injection every day since Tuesday. The nurse has been giving me that injection but today she turned that job over to me and so I gave my first injection into my abdomen today. It went well. I'll get my blood checked tomorrow and fairly frequently to make sure that it doesn't get too thin. I will take these injections through the weekend and supposedly by Monday my blood should be thin enough to receive more chemo. I am not very enthused about taking drugs that make my blood coagulate and form clots. I cried a good portion of last night. Brian hates nursing homes and will not go in them. I asked him if he would come and visit with me if I were to end up in one because of a stroke or a heart attack. I don't think he would- he didn't answer that question. I cried myself to sleep.
I visited with my Dad this afternoon and it gave me a lot of comfort just to hold his hand and to talk to him. I love my Dad!
I got a call last night from one of the ladies that I help and she was having a tough night so I promised her a visit today. All the ladies and the staff gave me a big hug and it felt so good. We had a wonderful visit. I love them all and am blessed to have such great friends.

I'm Still Here

After yesterday's discouraging news I felt so down that all I could do was cry. It helped me alot when Sue, my next door neighbor and also a cancer survivor, dropped in for an unexpected visit.She and her son, Daniel, left around five and with them going came the discouragement setting back in. It was horrible and by seven I was in peril. I needed to talk or get out of the house but I was afraid that if I got in the car and a wave of anger were to come over me that I would pick the first semi to run into. I contemplated calling 911 and having them take me to a crisis center. I also contemplated throwing my car keys as far out into the field as I could toss them but then I contemplated on just calling and talking to my son Steve, who has his Bachelors degree in psychology.More than that though he has a deep love of our Savior and a profound understanding of the Gospel. I decided that he was exactly the person I needed to talk to. We talked for nearly two hours and by the time I got off the phone I was more in control of myself and Brian was home from work.
Last night, as I lay in bed, I asked God to please show me his presence in my life at this time. I needed to know that if He was truly orchestrating these events to help me grow and learn then I needed to see His hand in it. I got my answer. Where two doctors failed to recognize that I was in BIG trouble just by looking and observing the outside conditions of my arm over the past two weeks, Heavenly Father was able to block off the port so that they had to look deeper and do more in depth studies. As they did that yesterday, they found the deep seated blot clots and further treatments with drugs that may not agree with my body were put on hold.
God is with me and He is watching over me! I am in His arms at this hard time in my life and although I do not have all the answers to my questions, it helps to know that He is with me.

Blood Clots

It's blood clots in the catheter, around the catheter and in the main vein going to the heart. So I have screwed up my health once again. The port is causing blood clots but they won't remove it because they still want me to have chemo. Chemo is on hold until they get rid of the blood clots by giving me shots for the next six days and then I will be on rat poison for the rest of my life or as long as they make me continue to have this port in but the doctor told me I will be on blood thinners for at least the next six months.
I am upset to say the least. PLease leave me alone as I am not fit to be near or speak to anyone today. Brian drove me to and from my appointment and it is a good thing because I would have pulled into oncoming traffic. A semi would have made a good weapon

The Plan of Attack

So- as you may have read in the previous blog, I did not get a chemo treatment today because the port is not working. I received a phone call this afternoon and I am to come prepared for surgery at 7:30 in the morning. They will first draw blood through a vein in the arm to find out where my blood levels are at then they will give me a chest x-ray to see if the port has become disconnected from catheter. If it is still connected they will inject dye into me and x-ray the area to see if there are any breaks/defects/ or blood clots. Depending upon what they find, it will likely mean surgery to fix, replace, or repair the problem. If it is blood clots I don't know what they are going to do. The nurse just told me to be prepared for anything.

Just keep praying, please. One of the side-effects of one of the drugs was circulatory collapse after the first dose. All the pain in the arm, the swelling of the area, the discoloration of my arm are pointed in that direction. My life is in God's hands and the hands of the medical team He has put together for me.

Chemo on hold

I went in to the hospital today for my next chemo treatment and ended up coming home without it. Before I get any chemo treatments they always do lab work to make sure all my blood counts are okay and also to check if the port is working properly. Today the ladies in the lab could not get my port to operate and so they could not get any blood to flow through or saline solutions to flow through so they couldn't give me chemo.
I am still having pain in my arm on the port side and so either I have a blood clot somewhere between the port and the heart or my body is turning on the port and rejecting it. The radiologist isn't in Litchfield today and so I have to wait fro him to come to town before they do a die study to find out what is going on. It is possible that I am going to end up in surgery again. I just pray that if it is a blood clot that has formed in the line that it doesn't break loose because the first place it will head is straight to the heart.
FOr now I am home and the nurse told me to take some aspirin.She is going to contact the Drs'. and discuss the problem with them.