Relay for Life Event 2010

Friday was the beginning of the Relay for Life event in Meeker County.
I was encouraged to attend so that I could not only be recognized for my fight with cancer but also to be uplifted by the number of people who have fought cancer and have lived many years to tell about it. Some of them have survived cancer for as much as 50 years!

This annual event seems to be plagued by stormy weather but it went on anyway and when it came time for the walk/ relay the skies had cleared, the luminaries were lit and the program went on. The survivors were given their recognition and each of us were given a balloon to carry with us around the track. When all the survivors had returned a count down was given and we released our balloons. On my first round around the track some one, I think from the newspaper, took a picture of me and another lady who have been fighting cancer this past year. I will have to look in the paper next week to see if it is there- vanity thing more than anything else but still a part of this fight and my life to this point.
The night was hot and humid but I managed to walk a mile. Brian walked another mile for me and I haven't a clue how many laps my sisters walked for me. A special relay team, with some very dear co-workers on it was there to take a stand that night. The team name was " All Night For the Fight". They handed out beads to people as they would pass by from making a lap. On the fourth lap you received a clear bead, marking a mile. Their love and support helped me to keep going that night. How blessed I am to have such good friends!
I also was blessed by a lone, special, luminary bag, with my name on it, and placed along with the other special luminaries on the outside of the track. I am not sure who made the bag in my honor but I think I know who it was. Regardless of who it was, I want to thank them for their love and encouragement also!
The rest of the night was filled with music, bingo, drawings, a prayer service and of course food booths and team booths. The event raised a fair some of money that night and also the next morning, as they were going to serve a community breakfast. I did not make it to all the events or to visit all the booths because I got wore out but never the less I enjoyed my time there. Next year I am going to buy some luminary bags to decorate for my mother. May her memory never be forgotten. I love you Mom!

A Day at Home

After spending the last three days at the hospital it is good to spend a day at home. The trip to the ER on Sunday proved to be a good thing in more ways than one. First because I found out that I did not have a heart attack or heart damage from the chemo drugs. I did not have any more blood clots either. I learned that I am trying to do too much and that I have to be more patient for my body to recover. I have to back off on the throttle and realize that even though I may feel good my body is working very hard to fight this cancer This is a very hard task for me as I have always been a hard worker. That is something that i have brought with me from my childhood and it has been a part of my life for 50 years.

Monday was the day for Rituxan therapy and along with that came the Benadryl and the Zantac. They have backed off on the Benadryl to 25 mg as it knocks me out for two days and drops my heart rate down to 50-54 bpm. I think this routine is actually harder on me than the chemotherapy. I have been more side effects since being on the Rituxan and have not felt as well.

I had my Chemotherapy yesterday and it went well. It was hot and humid yesterday and so Beatrice came home with me to help me put in the air conditioner. Boy what a relief that has been.
The oncology nurse took a look at my lab work and suggested that I get more fluids, I agreed, and so I waited until fluids in the last bag finished. It was a saline solution so it helped to raise my sodium levels which were low. My protein levels were low in my blood and so I need to get more protein in my diet as well. Maybe that is why I feel so hungry all the time. I just want to eat and eat and eat. This diet thing is a real challenge but I am learning. It reminds me of fine tuning a car to purr like a kitten. I wish my body came with an owner's manual with a trouble shooting guide- oh wait- I have one it is called "The Word of Wisdom"! It calls for more meat when you have excess of hunger. It calls for whole grains and fruits and vegetables and herbs.
I just need to have a dip stick to tell me how much I need but I guess that is covered in my blood work, maybe its not as good as a dip stick but at least I can see what direction I need to go. Perhaps that is my very own Liahona! Heavenly Father sure takes very good care of me and provides me with the very best. How richly blessed I am to have the Gospel in my life and to know that I have a Heavenly Father and an older brother ( Jesus) who care for me so much to give me the very best. It reminds me of some scriptures in the Sermon on the Mount.
The first is in Matthew 6; verses 25-33 and the second one is in Matthew 7 ; verses 6-11. Yep, they truly love and care for me and each of us if we invite them into our lives. Until you invite them you can never know such joy and of their great love and care for us. Hold onto Their love and promises and They will walk you through the darkest hours of your life of this I can testify.

A Visit to the Emergency Room

This morning as I was standing in the kitchen doing up the dishes I got a stabbing pain in the right lower jaw. It kind of surprised me because I do not have any cavities, that I am aware of, but a short while later, probably less than five minutes later, I got a gripping pain in my chest that radiated into my back. I went to lay down but the pain intensified and so I told Brian that I needed to go to the hospital. I was concerned that I might be having more blood clot issues/ heart attack problems . I could have easily talked myself out of going but my past experiences told me that that would be foolish and I should not ignore this. I got to the ER and they ran all kinds of tests and drew blood for examining. To make a long story short, I did not have a heart attack and there were no signs of a pulmonary embolism . The Dr. thought that perhaps I may have over exerted my muscles in my chest wall/ ribs and that they (my muscles) were not happy with me.
My blood work looked pretty normal for me right now. Low White counts, low number of Neutrophils, Low number of Lymphocytes, low Sodium, Low Anion Gap, low total protein. The only thing that was high was my glucose level. Some of the meds that I am currently taking will elevate that number. I had an A1-c completed last month and it shows my glucose levels to be okay so that reading does not really concern me at this point.
The pain has subsided and does not bother me as long as I just rest so rest I will. Tomorrow starts another round of Rituxin followed on Tuesday by my 7th round of Chemotherapy. This is getting old and I am tired of all the drama it has created in my life. I pray that round 8 will be the knock- out round and that this cancer will be in total remission.

Doing Great!

I'm not sure what it was that hit me yesterday but I am doing great today!
This morning, after doing the chores I headed out to the garden for more weeding. I weeded out all of the weeds from around the squash and the cucumbers only to find out that some of the Asparagus, that I planted last year, finally came up this year. It will be fine though as by this time next year it will be ready to harvest.

After the garden I went to work on mowing around spaces that I can't reach with the riding mower. I watered the grass seed that I planted and by the time I was done, I was ready for a break. I came in and had a snack ( Cantaloupe and water) and fell asleep afterward. Two hours later and I'm feeling pretty good again. My work is done for the day though. If I try to do any more I'm going to be all done in tomorrow.

I'll fix supper for tonight and then it will be time to enjoy the rest of the day.

Sick

Haven't felt good all day. I woke up at 1:30 this morning from being so nauseated. Loose stools followed. Not sure what is going on. The flu- maybe. Ate something that didn't agree with me- possibly. Other troubles? Who knows, if I don't feel better by morning I'll go see the Doctor. Not sure if they can figure it out either. This too shall pass!

Update as of June 12, 2010

It has been a week of ups and downs. At this point in time, that is the new normal for me. The good part is that I am still kicking around. I'm tired and I wear out real easy but That was to be expected. With the help of strong antibiotics , I was able to get over the bladder infection .
I never thought that I would say Thank Heaven for medications and medical advancements but as I woke up this morning, I found myself very grateful for the medical care and advancements that have been made in the medical field within the past twenty to twenty- five years.

I found out yesterday that my youngest sister, Beatrice, has been working on ways in which she can help me to cope with the costs of this treatments. We have good insurance but there are still costs associated with getting them. There isn't enough finances to go around without me working and so I have to do a juggling act to keep our heads above water. Sometimes it can be a real chore. Anyway,
Beatrice went in search of help and came back and told me that she has arranged for a fund raiser through the local Burger King in Litchfield. It is going to be held on July 8th from 4-8 PM. Of the funds that are collected, I will be given 20%. On Thursday, I found out that each one of these Rituxan treatments costs $11,000! I have many Rituxan treatments ahead of me and all I can say is that I am very thankful that we have good insurance!

Medications and Crazy Dreams

Since having Rituxan added to my chemotherapy regimen, I have been having these sometimes funny sometimes not so funny dreams. I am not sure if it is from the Rituxan or from the Zantac and/or the Benadryl that they give me with it to prevent side- effects but something is definitely causing these dreams.
The ones that have been frightening are the ones that really bother me.
I'll be sleeping and I'll hear the phone ring or the outside door open and someone coming into the house unannounced . One night I tried to yell out for help from Brian but I was having a terrible time getting the words to come out. I was so scared and panic stricken and my heart was racing like crazy. I finally managed to get the words out and it woke up Brian. He rolled over and asked me what was wrong and when he asked me that question I woke up. All was okay, there was no one in the house and the phone had not rung on the other night but it sure destroyed a good nights sleep. I couldn't get back to bed after that and my tail was dragging by morning.
Some of the funnier dreams involve Brian. In both cases he has been the counter top in the kitchen!
In the first dream, I was preparing a meal for guests. I was laying out the cheese, meat and crackers on the counter top ( his chest) when Brian awoke and asked me if everything was okay. It woke me up and all I could do was laugh. I told him about the dream and he had a good laugh too.
Last night I had another dream about working in the kitchen. This time there was some one in the kitchen with me but I don't remember who they were. I think it may have been either Jordan or Melia, anyway, I had just finished preparing a pie and I was cleaning the flour from the counter ( Brian's back) and scrubbing it down. What woke me up is when Brian told me I was hired. Apparently he had been enjoying a nice back rub!
I told him that he better hope that I don't start chopping onions next!
I think bread baking and meat tenderizing might not feel so good either!
I see my oncology nurse today and one of the doctors tomorrow- we seriously need to have a chat about what is going on!