Preparations

Today I began to prepare for Thursday. I took my sisters shopping and decided that I needed to pick up something to occupy my time in the hospital. I do not do well in a hospital setting because I feel "caged" in.
Perhaps this is why I feel guilty when an animal has to be caged. I want to release cats when I see them in cages. It is just not right for an animal that loves its independence and freedom to be caged.

I did not go to church on Sunday because my head was too congested and I was hacking up a storm. Instead I stayed home and worked on family history. Over time my family information has been mixed in with other people that I have done research for and it became totally disorganized. I got that all fixed up on Sunday and it feels so good to be able to find records that I did not even remember that I had! Sometimes I surprise myself with finding records and I wonder where I found them anyway. Lesson one- research log- write down where and when you found the information to prevent wasting time, money and energy!
Speaking of energy- I have very little and it is getting harder to walk and keep going. I over did it today and at one point felt like I might collapse. The doctor feels that it is because of everything that I have been battling this past 9 months and it is catching up to me. I wonder if it is simply that I need to get out and start exercising more to keep up my strength. It is a fine balance and I do not know how to walk that tightrope. I received a blessing tonight and was told that my strength will return somewhat but that I must not try to walk faster than I have strength. A lesson in patience again? Perhaps.

Tonight we had some company for a very brief period of time. A former Missionary couple stopped by for a visit and to help give me a blessing. It was a treasured few minutes. I saw them earlier today and was able to visit with them longer then. They are a super couple!

Tonight I am physically exhausted but my mind is active. A tough spot for me to be in so here I am at the computer, multi-tasking and hoping that the computer will not shut down. Ohhhh, that gets irritating!!!!!!

From the Frying Pan into the Fire

I thought that once the cancer treatment was through that I could regain my health but it is not meant to be. Another set back in my health has me stressing out all over again. I just want life to get back to normal, the way it was before all of these health problems came upon me. I should not complain because I know there are people out there that have it much worse than I do. I should be focusing on the positive and not the negative but the negative is before me in undeniable clarity.

This coming week I will be going in for surgery to have a portion of my colon removed as well as having some other problems that have cropped up repaired. Today I was suppose to go down to the wound ostomy clinic so that they could mark on my abdomen the best place to put a stoma. I didn't go because I came down with a bad cold yesterday and have felt really rough all day today. The wound ostomy nurse assured me that there would be enough time on the day of my surgery( Thursday) to get things all marked off. I'm glad that I didn't go today because it would have only increased the stress to have a target painted on my abdomen all week long. I need to let go and let God handle all of this as I am not doing a very good job of it.
I guess I should prepare for the worst and hope for the best at least that way I can't get too disappointed if things do not go well. I wonder when this trial will end. I wonder if life will ever return to or even be somewhat normal. I am ready for this to all end.

Blessings

I may not be blessed with a lot of material wealth in this life but I am blessed with many friends, some whom I may or may not meet in this life. Today, I received yet another card in the mail from someone whom I do not know. She is from the Methodist Church in Litchfield and knows of my challenges through my sister, Cecilia. She told me that their church is praying for me. I have the prayers from their church added by the prayers of many other churches both in this area and in other states. I have come to further understand that one of God's greatest blessings for his children are in the friends that He gives to us. I have been blessed by many through all the prayers that have been offered on my behalf. Friendship is a blessing! Thank you to all for your friendship and prayers!

Busy Week Ahead

I am not really sure if this week could really be classified as a continuation with my war on cancer or not but since I have not been given the green light , so to speak, from my Oncologist and he is keeping a very close watch on what is happening to me, I guess I'll just continue to write everything here. One day, perhaps, I will be able to write in a survivor's log.

This week is going to be very busy for me! I love it when I can stay busy but enjoy it most when the focus is on someone else or some other thing than me.
With Brian's help, I finished putting up the grape juice. I picked the grapes and Brian helped me to wash, sort, and pull the stems from them. Late last night I finally pulled the jars from the water bath. Except for labeling the jars and putting them away, the grape harvest is officially over!
Today is church! A day of rest! I visit with my Dad on Sunday afternoons. I enjoy my time with him and draw a lot of comfort from being near him. I am going to miss him tremendously when his time is done upon this earth. He is 93 now and time is taking its toll on him. This week I will talk to his doctor about some tests that were done last week. I have been going to his doctor's appointments with him for 11 years. We've been through alot together.
I am not looking forward to the rest of this week!
Thursday I have my pre- op appointment with Dr. Strei. On Friday, I go down to Minneapolis to the wound ostomy clinic. I pray that I will not have to have a colostomy or an ileostomy but there is that possibility and so they are going to prepare me for that possibility.

On Saturday I have a Stake women's conference in St. Cloud. Our focus is on service and I believe this is the time when we will be putting together the Hygiene kits that will be sent out to the church's humanitarian aide distribution site in Salt Lake City. Our goal was 1200 kits! I hope we will make it! That will be a good way to end this week! I look forward to that event.

Happy Day

I think most people are familiar with picking a flower and then pulling off one petal at a time while saying the words,"He loves me , He loves me not"! Last Saturday was kind of like that for me, except I wasn't questioning any ones love for me. I was questioning weather or not I should take a bike ride despite all the reasons I could say "NO". It was such a beautiful day and I was feeling strong and healthy so I chose to go. Brian came with me as we made our way East on the back roads that have been recently paved. Up the hills and down the hills and it was so much fun! I had to stop a couple of times to rest going up the hills and the last one I had to walk up a little bit but after three miles on the bike I felt wonderful! It was so good to get some good exercise and the only thing that complained was my left knee, too bad it was worth the effort. When we got home, I rested for a little bit and then we went out to the Nelson farm for the festivities being offered by the power company in celebration of their 75th anniversary. We had the opportunity to get a ride in the bucket of one of their trucks that took us 55 feet in the air. We had to throw our legs over the side of the bucket to get in and out of it and I managed to do it with very little effort- Thank you Heavenly Father for helping me to not make a fool of myself! It was good to see that both Brian and I were able to keep our eyes open and look around. They had us tethered in with harnesses so that should we fall we would not go more than 10 feet. Now I know that I could use a bucket truck to trim off some of the dead branches on these trees out here at the farm. That will be a long way off but at least I know that I could do it!
After the bucket ride we enjoyed their free lunch and some of the other activities. One of my favorites was the catapult. It was huge and they used it to catapult a pumpkin over the top of a distant Oak tree.
This would have been a fun one to take the boy scouts to when I was working with the Webelos! They would have loved it too but I am almost positive that they would have liked to try it out too.
After the Pumpkin smashing, Brian and I got separated. He wound up at the Corn Maze and I went on a wagon ride through the corn fields. I was amazed to see how much corn smut was in the field but we have had a wet, hot and humid summer so I guess it should not have surprised me too much. Brian and I finally met up over at the REA booth where they were displaying/ showing the dangers of hitting power lines with farm equipment. After that I was ready to go home. It was all so interesting but I was wore out from all the walking.
We went back home and I grabbed another quick nap before heading out to a birthday party for a special little four year old that loves to sit with us at church. We had a great time there visiting with her family and friends and by the time we got home I was pretty much done in for the day - but oh what a day it was! I am grateful that I felt well enough and had enough strength to enjoy the day fully. Thank you Heavenly Father for giving me the strength to enjoy each day!

Drain Comes Out Today!

After speaking with Dr. Finne this morning , he said that the drain could come out today. He gave me the option of coming into the clinic in the Cities to have it removed or having it removed out here. All things considered, I am getting it removed out here. I see Dr. Strei at 2PM. It will be wonderful to be free of this contraption!

Heart Song

My heart is singing this morning! I have made a new friend this weekend even though he is miles from me! I'd better explain or it is going to make people think that I am not being faithful to Brian and that is not true.

Family means everything to me! I love my family, including those I have never met, because they have helped me to become the person that I am today. They have brought me great joy in my life and I love to hug them whenever I can.

So you can understand my joy when I opened up a blog to discover that I had more pictures of some of my grandchildren and an update on each of them. I can't reach through the phone lines or the internet to give each of them a BIG HUG but I sure would love to be able to do so. We do not get to see our family very often but this summer we have been real blessed to have had some of them with us, along with their parents. Our children and grandchildren are a rich blessing in our lives and we love them dearly!

There is another reason that my heart is singing today! The Lord knows how important family is to me. I love learning about them and all the sacrifices that they made so that I could live in a land with so much promise and opportunity. I will always be grateful for their sacrifices, their courage to face the unknown, their strength to endure great challenges, and their choice to come to America.
Two weeks ago, while looking for information on my Lundgren family I ran into some information that suggested that I might have another relative working on our family line. He had left his name and how I could get in touch with him on the web site and so I grabbed the opportunity to do just that. I spoke with him on the phone last night and we compared notes. Some things just didn't seem to be right though and so more research was needed. He called me back this morning to tell me that he had figured thing out. It turns out that our Great-great grandparents had the same names. They were all from Sweden. My great-grandfather and his brother's and sisters were listed under his Great-Great grandparents as their children. Records have become tangled and errors have been made so they need to be corrected. As it turns out, Phillip served as a missionary back in 1969.
His mission took him to Sweden, where he learned the Swedish Language, and culture. He now lives in Sandy, Utah and has offered to meet my children at the Family History Center in Salt Lake City to help them sort through the Swedish records of my family, and to teach them how to read and interpret the Lutheran Church records from Sweden. He said that the records will take us back to the 1600's if rodents, floods or fires did not destroy them. I am way excited to learn more about my family!

Recovering

The surgery went well yesterday. I was surprised that they didn't put me under to do it but they did give me a sedative to calm me down and some lidocaine to help deaden the area. I watched on the screen as the doctor did the procedure. It wasn't comfortable but I made it through. I was in surgery about 2 hours but most of it was prep time as they used a CT to pin point the exact area that they needed to put in the drain.
We left the Cities about 5 last night and when I got home I sat down in the recliner and crashed. Got up around 10 and took my medicine and hobbled off to bed. I'm moving very slow this morning and will be taking it easy this weekend. Taking Extra Strength Tylenol for the pain. The doctor told me that when the abscess quits draining that it can come out but Dr. Finne may opt to have it stay in place until surgery on the 30th. Just have to take it one day at a time.

Surgery is set for 1PM today

My INR is at 1.2 this morning and I am good to go for surgery. Brian and I will be leaving for the Cities at 10AM. Have to be at Abbott/ Northwestern by noon for surgical prep. I am trying to stay calm.
This is suppose to be an outpatient surgery and i suppose to take about an hour. I pray that all goes well.

September 3rd,2010

I'm up early (around 4 AM) as stress and anxiety are churning inside of me. What will today bring? Will my blood be thick enough? Will I have surgery today? Will everything go okay? Will I come back home tonight or will I end up spending the weekend in the hospital?

The doctors have said that my problem is very serious, they need to get rid of the infection and the only way to get that done permanently is to remove the parts affected by the infection. I am not feeling ill right now and I wonder if everything they plan to do will open up another can of worms for me. It has been one problem right after another. I wonder when it will all stop so that I can recover and get on with my life. I need to be counting my blessings. It reminds me of the song, "Count your Blessings" I need to be singing that one all day today and just let Heavenly Father and Jesus handle the rest of the day.

September 2,2010 - One Hard Day

Brian and I were up early today so that we could be at the hospital by 7:15 to get a INR test done before 8, which was the time we were to leave for Abbott- North-Western Hospital for my surgery at 10 AM.
It turned out that even after holding my Warfarin last night that my blood did not thicken any so it was still too thin for surgery. So it was canceled again today. I spoke with Dr. Oken's nurse and she was upset with them down in the Cities as there are things they can do to thicken the blood but they would not hear of it. She finally got to talk with the Dr who will be doing the surgery and he explained why they would not touch me until my blood has sufficiently thickened. It so happens that the abscess is sitting tight up against a main artery in the pelvic region. The slightest error can nick that artery and I could bleed out before they would be able to get in and repair the damage.
When we heard that we both decided that pushing to get the surgery done was not a good idea. It is going to be a very delicate operation because of its location and they and I do not need to deal with any more nightmares than we already have to deal with so we wait some more. Jeannie asked what she could do from this end to help. It was decided by my primary doctor that I should receive two units of plasma followed by another INR test. SO I ended up in the chemo chair again today and they began to give me the two units of plasma.
The first unit went well but 10 minutes into the second unit I started to itch, not long after that and my throat started to swell. I was having a reaction. Then the uncontrollable trembling started . Jeannie and Jan quickly stopped the plasma and started treating me for an allergic reaction. An injection of Benadryl stopped the itching, followed by an injection of a steroid which stopped the swelling in the throat. They covered me with three warm blankets from the warmer and I warmed up after that. Benadryl wipes me out and so I took a long nap while they continued to monitor me. My blood pressure came back down to normal and my oxygen levels went back up. Once I was stabilized and alert they gave me a Vitamin K shot. Jeannie talked with the pathologist and he said that I should not have had a reaction to the plasma and suggested that after I was stable they should try me on another unit of plasma. Jeannie talked with my primary doctor and she and Dr. Strei agreed that it would just be safer to give me a Vitamin K shot. The whole experience left both the nurses, the doctor and I wanting not to go through that again. So I got a shot of Vitamin K, took another nap and got my INR rechecked. It was at 1.5 by the time I left at three this afternoon. The dr. doing the surgery in the cities wants me to be at 1.4 or lower so I'll hold the Warfarin tonight and return to the hospital at 7:30AM for another INR check. If it is still too high I'll likely get another Vitamin K shot and go to the cities for surgery in the afternoon. The plan is to get me into and out of surgery as quickly and as safe as possible.

I need lots of prayers for the surgeon and medical staff that will be treating me. Prayers for wisdom, guidance, clear minds and steady hands for them and for peace and calm for me. I trust the Lord with all my heart but I find that I am not as trusting of people. I recognize that they are human and as such can and do make mistakes. That is why I need the Lord to intervene on my behalf. With Him by all of our sides, I know all will be well.