I am not a pill popper, in fact I only take an aspirin if I am in a great deal of pain. Other than that I do not take pills or medications unless a doctor has prescribed them for some reason. So here I am two days after my doctors appointment and I have a pharmacy sitting in front of me.
The doctor has placed me on an antacid(omeprazole) to protect my stomach and intestines from the Allopurinol , and the increased levels of uric acid that will be pouring into my system from the death of the cancer cells. Because the liver normally produces uric acid the doctor has put me on the Allopurinol to stop the liver from producing more Uric Acid. Elevated levels of Uric acid in the body can cause gout and Kidney stones,which are both very painful. To prevent kidney stones I have to drink at least 64 ounces of fluids each day. Because the omeprazole and other drugs that they will be using can cause constipation i have to take Senokot and a stool softener. So the list goes on and on and on. One pill for this and another pill to combat the side effects of that pill. It kind of reminds me of a song that came out in the 60's . I think it was called "White Rabbit"
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Finding Peace and Quiet
Ever since the last doctors appointment I have not been a very happy person.
In fact I would say I have been a very cantankerous person.
The doctor sat down with dad and I to lay it all out on the table, including the bad side effects that come from being on these chemo drugs.
Among them, permanent nerve damage, sudden cardiac collapse of the blood vessels, and leukemia. That was suppose to make me feel better?!!!! I wonder in whose book! Needless to say I was upset and feeling anxious but the thing that was hardest to take was that the one person who should be putting the brakes on and looking for better ways to handle this- the one person who should be protecting me and comforting me was excited and feeling upbeat as the doctor was trying to say out the other side of his mouth that I'd be okay. I felt like I didn't even know this man that I had married. He wasn't protecting me from harm, he wasn't concerned about how I was feeling all he wanted to know was if the doctor was going to hit me with a full dose of all those nasty chemicals to which he replied "yes". I wanted to scream. I was so angry. I felt betrayed by the one person I felt that I could trust to take good care of me. I felt like he was playing a game of chicken with me on the railroad tracks and the freight train is due to arrive on Monday. I felt so angry and betrayed that I could not talk to Brian. I didn't even want to be near him so I slept in the living room last night and got up early to go to the temple. I needed to have some peace and quiet where I could talk with God without having the phone ringing, without being interrupted by any one or any thing.
I desperately needed to have some time alone with God.
It felt wonderful to be able to sit down in a quiet, reverent, atmosphere and be able to study the scriptures and to pray.It felt good to know that someone was listening and that he was there to comfort me. Thank Heaven for the temples, they are a refuge from the storms of life.
In fact I would say I have been a very cantankerous person.
The doctor sat down with dad and I to lay it all out on the table, including the bad side effects that come from being on these chemo drugs.
Among them, permanent nerve damage, sudden cardiac collapse of the blood vessels, and leukemia. That was suppose to make me feel better?!!!! I wonder in whose book! Needless to say I was upset and feeling anxious but the thing that was hardest to take was that the one person who should be putting the brakes on and looking for better ways to handle this- the one person who should be protecting me and comforting me was excited and feeling upbeat as the doctor was trying to say out the other side of his mouth that I'd be okay. I felt like I didn't even know this man that I had married. He wasn't protecting me from harm, he wasn't concerned about how I was feeling all he wanted to know was if the doctor was going to hit me with a full dose of all those nasty chemicals to which he replied "yes". I wanted to scream. I was so angry. I felt betrayed by the one person I felt that I could trust to take good care of me. I felt like he was playing a game of chicken with me on the railroad tracks and the freight train is due to arrive on Monday. I felt so angry and betrayed that I could not talk to Brian. I didn't even want to be near him so I slept in the living room last night and got up early to go to the temple. I needed to have some peace and quiet where I could talk with God without having the phone ringing, without being interrupted by any one or any thing.
I desperately needed to have some time alone with God.
It felt wonderful to be able to sit down in a quiet, reverent, atmosphere and be able to study the scriptures and to pray.It felt good to know that someone was listening and that he was there to comfort me. Thank Heaven for the temples, they are a refuge from the storms of life.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Final Preparations
Today I see the Oncologist to start my chemo therapy. I am going to be given three days of medication to prepare my kidneys for the taxing job they have ahead of them. They are going to be hammered with the chemo drugs and getting rid of the toxins/cancer cells. I will receive my first round of chemo on Monday.
This past week I have been thinking about the one thing that I could do that would help me feel more positive about this whole experience and I determined that there was one thing that I could do.
As the chemo enters my system it will kill off any new cell growth that is going on in my body. The areas it will hit will be my digestive tract, my bone marrow and my hair. Diet might help save my tract from severe damage. There is nothing I can do about the bone marrow but the hair- that is a different matter. I am going to lose my hair but I can decide when and where I am going to lose it and so I chose to go and get it braided and cut off yesterday. I do not have a shiny head yet, that will come in two to three weeks but for now I have short hair. It will help me to transition into a bald head and will be less stressful if I do not see large clumps of my hair in my hands or on my pillow.
The good thing about my new hair style is that it is much easier to take care of. No more tangles after washing it. No more wild hair dos from stocking caps or the wind. Less shampoo and conditioner is needed. For once and all I can prove to my family that I really do not have eyes on the back of my head!
This past week I have been thinking about the one thing that I could do that would help me feel more positive about this whole experience and I determined that there was one thing that I could do.
As the chemo enters my system it will kill off any new cell growth that is going on in my body. The areas it will hit will be my digestive tract, my bone marrow and my hair. Diet might help save my tract from severe damage. There is nothing I can do about the bone marrow but the hair- that is a different matter. I am going to lose my hair but I can decide when and where I am going to lose it and so I chose to go and get it braided and cut off yesterday. I do not have a shiny head yet, that will come in two to three weeks but for now I have short hair. It will help me to transition into a bald head and will be less stressful if I do not see large clumps of my hair in my hands or on my pillow.
The good thing about my new hair style is that it is much easier to take care of. No more tangles after washing it. No more wild hair dos from stocking caps or the wind. Less shampoo and conditioner is needed. For once and all I can prove to my family that I really do not have eyes on the back of my head!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Taylor
Last Monday I finished up at the dental office and went across the street to buy groceries before heading home. While at the store I decided to pick up the local newspaper so I could see what was happening. After putting the groceries away I sat down to read the newspaper.
There was a story on the front page that caught my eye. It was about a boy named Taylor and the battle he faced with Aplastic Anemia. In order to save Taylor the doctors would have to kill off his bone marrow and replace it with healthy bone marrow from a compatible donor. Taylor was very lucky that one of his sisters was an ideal match. To sum it all up- it is two years later and Taylor is well and healthy! Congratulations to him and his family! He is a survivor!
After reading his story I knew that I needed to talk with his mom and so I called a phone number that I thought might help me to find her.
Sure enough it did. When I tried to call her number I got the answering machine and so I just hung up and figured that perhaps it wasn't meant to be that I talk with his mom. Later in the evening I received a phone call from his mom, Monica. How grateful I am that she called me! We talked for a while and we shared our situations. We talked about many things from drugs to our emotions, to our belief in God. We talked about how to deal with the side effects of one of the drugs that both Taylor and I will have in common. Taylor made it through the chemo. His treatment was more aggressive than hopefully mine will have to be and he still made it and he is doing great. I have found a new friend in Monica, she has told me that I can call her when I need to talk. She has been through this before and she had witnessed first hand the effects of chemo therapy. She gave me some great advice but mostly she and Taylor gave me something I have been severely lacking and that is courage. I cannot think about the drugs, I just need to get in there and get the job done. I will make it, it may not be pretty, but I WILL MAKE IT!
There was a story on the front page that caught my eye. It was about a boy named Taylor and the battle he faced with Aplastic Anemia. In order to save Taylor the doctors would have to kill off his bone marrow and replace it with healthy bone marrow from a compatible donor. Taylor was very lucky that one of his sisters was an ideal match. To sum it all up- it is two years later and Taylor is well and healthy! Congratulations to him and his family! He is a survivor!
After reading his story I knew that I needed to talk with his mom and so I called a phone number that I thought might help me to find her.
Sure enough it did. When I tried to call her number I got the answering machine and so I just hung up and figured that perhaps it wasn't meant to be that I talk with his mom. Later in the evening I received a phone call from his mom, Monica. How grateful I am that she called me! We talked for a while and we shared our situations. We talked about many things from drugs to our emotions, to our belief in God. We talked about how to deal with the side effects of one of the drugs that both Taylor and I will have in common. Taylor made it through the chemo. His treatment was more aggressive than hopefully mine will have to be and he still made it and he is doing great. I have found a new friend in Monica, she has told me that I can call her when I need to talk. She has been through this before and she had witnessed first hand the effects of chemo therapy. She gave me some great advice but mostly she and Taylor gave me something I have been severely lacking and that is courage. I cannot think about the drugs, I just need to get in there and get the job done. I will make it, it may not be pretty, but I WILL MAKE IT!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Faith, Hope, Courage and Lasting Impressions
We never know whose life we will touch by our examples- good or bad-!
I am finding out though just how much my life has touched those whom I have come in contact with.
Yesterday I received a large,manila envelope in the mail. I did not recognize the name in the return address so it sparked my curiosity who it might be from. I opened it up and read the letter that accompanied it. It was from the sister of my daughter-in-law, Diane. I think I have only seen her perhaps once or twice but she knows who I am and she sent me a gift and a poem that I am going to share with you. It is about the limitations of cancer.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
_______________________________________________
Perhaps cancer cannot do these things but our choice to dwell in self-pity and our choices to blame or deny God because of the things we go through in life CAN destroy us. I do not blame God for this trial in my life and I do not ask why me. I say why not me. In every trial that we face God is by our side and He will walk us through it if we will let Him. Even now I am learning things that I did not know before.
Perhaps on the other side of this trial I will be wiser, more compassionate to others and be able to help others that will walk this path behind me. Though I may fear the path ahead, I will make it through and my faith in God will be deeper and I shall see life through a whole different pair of glasses
I am finding out though just how much my life has touched those whom I have come in contact with.
Yesterday I received a large,manila envelope in the mail. I did not recognize the name in the return address so it sparked my curiosity who it might be from. I opened it up and read the letter that accompanied it. It was from the sister of my daughter-in-law, Diane. I think I have only seen her perhaps once or twice but she knows who I am and she sent me a gift and a poem that I am going to share with you. It is about the limitations of cancer.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the Spirit.
_______________________________________________
Perhaps cancer cannot do these things but our choice to dwell in self-pity and our choices to blame or deny God because of the things we go through in life CAN destroy us. I do not blame God for this trial in my life and I do not ask why me. I say why not me. In every trial that we face God is by our side and He will walk us through it if we will let Him. Even now I am learning things that I did not know before.
Perhaps on the other side of this trial I will be wiser, more compassionate to others and be able to help others that will walk this path behind me. Though I may fear the path ahead, I will make it through and my faith in God will be deeper and I shall see life through a whole different pair of glasses
Monday, January 25, 2010
Anger
I have been told that anger is a normal part of dealing with cancer but I don't like it and it makes me feel like a monster. I hate that feeling- it is so ugly and it can manifest itself in ways that are injurious. It makes me mean and short -tempered and sometimes I say and do things that hurt others, particularly those that are closest to me.
I know that anger is brought on by not dealing with the primary emotions of disappointment, frustration and hurt feelings. I have been trying to deal with those emotions throughout this whole ordeal but I am finding that there are some things which I do not understand and there are some things which I have no control over and it makes me frustrated when there are no answers. This is one problem that I can not solve, one thing that I cannot try to fix or mend and it makes me feel helpless. The doctor is quick to assure me that they can get rid of this tumor but the drugs they want to use are toxic and can, in and of themselves ,cause different forms of cancer. I feel healthy and I do not want to destroy my health, yet these drugs kill off both the good and the bad. I wonder what life will be like for me on the other side of chemotherapy. It is like gambling and there is no telling what the outcome will be. What hand will I be dealt and what will I have to deal with? It is in the hands of God and man and I must let go.
I know that anger is brought on by not dealing with the primary emotions of disappointment, frustration and hurt feelings. I have been trying to deal with those emotions throughout this whole ordeal but I am finding that there are some things which I do not understand and there are some things which I have no control over and it makes me frustrated when there are no answers. This is one problem that I can not solve, one thing that I cannot try to fix or mend and it makes me feel helpless. The doctor is quick to assure me that they can get rid of this tumor but the drugs they want to use are toxic and can, in and of themselves ,cause different forms of cancer. I feel healthy and I do not want to destroy my health, yet these drugs kill off both the good and the bad. I wonder what life will be like for me on the other side of chemotherapy. It is like gambling and there is no telling what the outcome will be. What hand will I be dealt and what will I have to deal with? It is in the hands of God and man and I must let go.
Saturday, January 23, 2010
A Gift of Hope
Today has been a fairly quiet day. We have had rain, freezing rain, and some snow. It has been mild and so Brian and I went out to the barn to give it a cleaning. The geese and the chickens enjoyed their time outdoors. While we were in the barn I heard voices outside so I went out to see who it was. It was the mailman. He was walking down our driveway with our mail. He had a box with him as well.
I told Brian and he went out to meet the mailman. Brian took the box inside and when I got to the house he told me it was from our oldest son, Steven and his wife, Diane. As it was addressed to me , I opened it up. Inside was a letter from Steve, which I will treasure, and a beautiful hand made quilt from Diane. The quilt is bright and cheerful.On one side it is yellow and on the other side it has a pattern of ladybugs and white daisies. I will cherish this quilt on the days that will seem unending. It will remind me of the times to come when I will be outside with nature again and enjoying all that God has created.
Thank you for your gift of love and hope! I love you with all my heart.
Mom
I told Brian and he went out to meet the mailman. Brian took the box inside and when I got to the house he told me it was from our oldest son, Steven and his wife, Diane. As it was addressed to me , I opened it up. Inside was a letter from Steve, which I will treasure, and a beautiful hand made quilt from Diane. The quilt is bright and cheerful.On one side it is yellow and on the other side it has a pattern of ladybugs and white daisies. I will cherish this quilt on the days that will seem unending. It will remind me of the times to come when I will be outside with nature again and enjoying all that God has created.
Thank you for your gift of love and hope! I love you with all my heart.
Mom
Friday, January 22, 2010
Preparing For The Battle
No battle can be won unless adequate preparations are made to defeat the enemy. My enemies are loss of hope, discouragement, and illness.
My hope is founded in Jesus Christ, knowing that He loves me and knowing that He understands what I am going to be going through. He has blessed me with His Companionship and has blessed me with the knowledge that He is always nearby and ever ready to listen to and answer my prayers. I have been blessed with the knowledge that He hears and answers our prayers.
He has placed me in circumstances that have given me the best hope for survival. He has provided me with a compassionate health care team, with many years of experience.He has blessed me with many friends and a wonderful family who are very supportive. It will be this love and support that will help me to see it through the the hard times ahead.
"To be forewarned is to be forearmed." I am not sure who first stated this truth so I cannot give credit where credit is due but I do know that having knowledge helps to combat fear and doubt.
To battle discouragement it is best to gain all the knowledge that I can about the road that lies ahead. Knowing the pitfalls that I might encounter along the way will better help me to prepare for those times so that I can take action to avoid them, if at all possible, and if it is not possible to at least figure out how to deal with them. I spoke with the chemo nurse yesterday about some of those pitfalls that I could encounter. As no two people are alike it is impossible to say which, if any, of them I will encounter and so I need to be prepared for all of them. She gave me a good website to go ( Chemocare.com) to help me find information.
Preventing illness might be a challenge as my immune system is going to be compromised by the drugs. I am doing everything in my power right now to get into the best possible position for fighting off infections. I had a dental exam earlier this week and it came out good. I go in today for a good dental cleaning. The dental hygienist gave me some samples of some oral health care products that are designed specifically to help cancer patients to ward off and deal with the sores and other problems that are associated with chemotherapy. I will have to stock up on them.
I am working with my diet to make it as healthy as possible. I have been working at eliminating all refined sugars and white flour products from my diet. I have increased the amounts of raw fruits and vegetables and am going to try to maintain the small amounts of proteins that I now consume. This includes fish, poultry without the skin, and on occasion very lean cuts of beef and pork. Proteins are essential for rebuilding the body and restoring it to proper function. I do not fry my foods but choose rather to steam, broil, or stir- fry them slightly in a small amount of olive oil. I avoid the use of salt and choose other spices to enliven the flavor of the foods which I am cooking. I am avoiding hydrogenated and other fatty foods as well. I love milk but I need to keep my consumption of it under control. It has always been my beverage of choice from the time I was a little girl on he farm. I drink 1% milk to help keep the fat content under control.
I am trying hard to limit my dairy consumption to two servings per day.
The one area which I really need to work on is trying to get down more water. Liquids are essential to keep the chemo drugs from raising havoc on the body. They are essential to help the kidneys with the tough battle of eliminating the toxins from the body. I will be drinking distilled water that I think I may try to lace with a little bit of fresh squeezed lemon juice to make it more palatable. I am open to suggestions if anyone has found a good way to make the water go down more easily.
The last area that I need to focus on is exercise. The surgeon (Dr. Tim Peterson)has me on a 20 lb. restriction and non-strenuous activities until I am healed from the surgery. He told me that walking would be good even on the days that I am not feeling well. The chemo is going to make me weak and tired so he told me that even short distances would be good on those days. Walking partners are always welcome!
The oncology nurse ( Jeanne Westphal) will be keeping a close watch on my blood counts and if they become too low I will have to wear a mask and avoid people that are sick. I pray that through a good diet I will be able to keep them from going too low but it could happen. The oncologist (Dr. Oken) also told me that I will be more tired and that I will need at least another hour of rest each day. That won't be hard to do- all I have to do is sit down in the recliner and I'm gone!
My hope is founded in Jesus Christ, knowing that He loves me and knowing that He understands what I am going to be going through. He has blessed me with His Companionship and has blessed me with the knowledge that He is always nearby and ever ready to listen to and answer my prayers. I have been blessed with the knowledge that He hears and answers our prayers.
He has placed me in circumstances that have given me the best hope for survival. He has provided me with a compassionate health care team, with many years of experience.He has blessed me with many friends and a wonderful family who are very supportive. It will be this love and support that will help me to see it through the the hard times ahead.
"To be forewarned is to be forearmed." I am not sure who first stated this truth so I cannot give credit where credit is due but I do know that having knowledge helps to combat fear and doubt.
To battle discouragement it is best to gain all the knowledge that I can about the road that lies ahead. Knowing the pitfalls that I might encounter along the way will better help me to prepare for those times so that I can take action to avoid them, if at all possible, and if it is not possible to at least figure out how to deal with them. I spoke with the chemo nurse yesterday about some of those pitfalls that I could encounter. As no two people are alike it is impossible to say which, if any, of them I will encounter and so I need to be prepared for all of them. She gave me a good website to go ( Chemocare.com) to help me find information.
Preventing illness might be a challenge as my immune system is going to be compromised by the drugs. I am doing everything in my power right now to get into the best possible position for fighting off infections. I had a dental exam earlier this week and it came out good. I go in today for a good dental cleaning. The dental hygienist gave me some samples of some oral health care products that are designed specifically to help cancer patients to ward off and deal with the sores and other problems that are associated with chemotherapy. I will have to stock up on them.
I am working with my diet to make it as healthy as possible. I have been working at eliminating all refined sugars and white flour products from my diet. I have increased the amounts of raw fruits and vegetables and am going to try to maintain the small amounts of proteins that I now consume. This includes fish, poultry without the skin, and on occasion very lean cuts of beef and pork. Proteins are essential for rebuilding the body and restoring it to proper function. I do not fry my foods but choose rather to steam, broil, or stir- fry them slightly in a small amount of olive oil. I avoid the use of salt and choose other spices to enliven the flavor of the foods which I am cooking. I am avoiding hydrogenated and other fatty foods as well. I love milk but I need to keep my consumption of it under control. It has always been my beverage of choice from the time I was a little girl on he farm. I drink 1% milk to help keep the fat content under control.
I am trying hard to limit my dairy consumption to two servings per day.
The one area which I really need to work on is trying to get down more water. Liquids are essential to keep the chemo drugs from raising havoc on the body. They are essential to help the kidneys with the tough battle of eliminating the toxins from the body. I will be drinking distilled water that I think I may try to lace with a little bit of fresh squeezed lemon juice to make it more palatable. I am open to suggestions if anyone has found a good way to make the water go down more easily.
The last area that I need to focus on is exercise. The surgeon (Dr. Tim Peterson)has me on a 20 lb. restriction and non-strenuous activities until I am healed from the surgery. He told me that walking would be good even on the days that I am not feeling well. The chemo is going to make me weak and tired so he told me that even short distances would be good on those days. Walking partners are always welcome!
The oncology nurse ( Jeanne Westphal) will be keeping a close watch on my blood counts and if they become too low I will have to wear a mask and avoid people that are sick. I pray that through a good diet I will be able to keep them from going too low but it could happen. The oncologist (Dr. Oken) also told me that I will be more tired and that I will need at least another hour of rest each day. That won't be hard to do- all I have to do is sit down in the recliner and I'm gone!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Love and Support
One of the biggest blessings that anyone can have is the love and support of family and friends when they are going through the tough times in their lives.
I have been richly blessed by many people who have come forth to offer their help. Sometimes the distance between people does not allow them to be physically near and yet through their actions you can feel of their great love and support. Today has been such a day for me. When I got home from visiting with my father I found a package sitting on my counter. It was addressed to "Mom Yerka" and it was from one of my precious and much loved daughters-in-law. Kiley and her mom had lovingly made a quilt for me to snuggle up into while I am going through this trial. I am blessed with pearls beyond measure in my life. I love my family so much so that words cannot adequately describe the feelings that I have deep within me. Thank you for all your love and support.
I have been richly blessed by many people who have come forth to offer their help. Sometimes the distance between people does not allow them to be physically near and yet through their actions you can feel of their great love and support. Today has been such a day for me. When I got home from visiting with my father I found a package sitting on my counter. It was addressed to "Mom Yerka" and it was from one of my precious and much loved daughters-in-law. Kiley and her mom had lovingly made a quilt for me to snuggle up into while I am going through this trial. I am blessed with pearls beyond measure in my life. I love my family so much so that words cannot adequately describe the feelings that I have deep within me. Thank you for all your love and support.
In the Season Thereof
As you may or may not know, I am a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter- Day Saints. Some people refer to us as Mormons. We believe that Joseph Smith was called of God to be a prophet and that it was his mission in life to restore the truths that had been lost from the Gospel of Jesus Christ. In February of 1833, Joseph was given a revelation that would become known as the "Word of Wisdom". It was a revelation that was given concerning our diets and the diets of animals.
In that revelation we are promised that if we would follow those rules and keep God's commandments that we would be blessed with "health in the navel and marrow in the bones". SO here I sit with cancer in my abdomen and in my bones and it seems like what I have been taught is not true but I am telling you it IS true. It seems like a contradiction but it isn't. It was ignorance that has brought me to the place where I am at today.
I have read and reread the "Word of Wisdom" and I have been given many books on food and nutrition to read. As I have poured over these materials the one thing that I have learned is that foods should be consumed as close to natural as possible. From my canning books I have learned that heat destroys certain enzymes in the foods that would otherwise cause them to ferment and spoil. From other books I have learned that those enzymes are there for a purpose, they aide in the digestion and absorption of the vitamins and minerals in the foods we eat. I have really tried to live the "Word of Wisdom" but I have discovered a couple of things. In the Word of Wisdom, the phrase,"in the season thereof" is repeated two times. Once when talking about the consumption of herbs/plants and the other when talking about the consumption of fruits.As I have read through other literature about nutrition I have discovered that "in the season thereof" may very well mean eating our fruits and vegetables raw so that we are not destroying the very enzymes, vitamins and minerals that we need to sustain optimal health.
I have also learned that refined foods are not good for the body. I have loved my sweets and refined white flour/sugar products from when I was a young girl and have discovered that they actually feed cancer cells. I also was raised on a meat and potato type diet and discovered that although meat is not bad for you it needs to be eaten very sparingly. Something that the Word of Wisdom also cautions us about. So I have adjustments to my diet that I must make. I also have to adjust my food preservation methods so that I am not destroying the foods that I preserve and I need to eat more fruits and vegetables "in the season thereof".
In that revelation we are promised that if we would follow those rules and keep God's commandments that we would be blessed with "health in the navel and marrow in the bones". SO here I sit with cancer in my abdomen and in my bones and it seems like what I have been taught is not true but I am telling you it IS true. It seems like a contradiction but it isn't. It was ignorance that has brought me to the place where I am at today.
I have read and reread the "Word of Wisdom" and I have been given many books on food and nutrition to read. As I have poured over these materials the one thing that I have learned is that foods should be consumed as close to natural as possible. From my canning books I have learned that heat destroys certain enzymes in the foods that would otherwise cause them to ferment and spoil. From other books I have learned that those enzymes are there for a purpose, they aide in the digestion and absorption of the vitamins and minerals in the foods we eat. I have really tried to live the "Word of Wisdom" but I have discovered a couple of things. In the Word of Wisdom, the phrase,"in the season thereof" is repeated two times. Once when talking about the consumption of herbs/plants and the other when talking about the consumption of fruits.As I have read through other literature about nutrition I have discovered that "in the season thereof" may very well mean eating our fruits and vegetables raw so that we are not destroying the very enzymes, vitamins and minerals that we need to sustain optimal health.
I have also learned that refined foods are not good for the body. I have loved my sweets and refined white flour/sugar products from when I was a young girl and have discovered that they actually feed cancer cells. I also was raised on a meat and potato type diet and discovered that although meat is not bad for you it needs to be eaten very sparingly. Something that the Word of Wisdom also cautions us about. So I have adjustments to my diet that I must make. I also have to adjust my food preservation methods so that I am not destroying the foods that I preserve and I need to eat more fruits and vegetables "in the season thereof".
Monday, January 18, 2010
Post Op Follow-up
I had a post -op follow -up with Dr. Peterson today. My incisions are healing well but he still has me on lifting restrictions for another four weeks. The underlying tissues/ muscles need extra time to heal so that they do not herniate. I asked him if I will be able to do heavy physical labor/ exercise after I am healed up and he said that he doesn't want me to do anything real strenuous. I told him that I have a barn that needs cleaning and the first thing he asked is what kind of livestock I had. He doesn't want me wrestling with large animals. But no barn cleaning for now either.
Dr. Oken (oncologist) told Brian that we both needed to get a seasonal flu shot as well as the H1N1 shot so that if my blood counts drop way low that I am at less risk for getting those two problems. We were given our shots today at my appointment.
Dr. Oken also wants a mammogram and so I've been scheduled for that as well. I had hoped that the CT Scan would have been enough so that I wouldn't have to go through a mammogram but Dr. Peterson said that a CT does not show all the detail that is needed because of the type of tissue involved. A disappointment but I'll get over it. Other than being tired tonight I have had a good day.
Dr. Oken (oncologist) told Brian that we both needed to get a seasonal flu shot as well as the H1N1 shot so that if my blood counts drop way low that I am at less risk for getting those two problems. We were given our shots today at my appointment.
Dr. Oken also wants a mammogram and so I've been scheduled for that as well. I had hoped that the CT Scan would have been enough so that I wouldn't have to go through a mammogram but Dr. Peterson said that a CT does not show all the detail that is needed because of the type of tissue involved. A disappointment but I'll get over it. Other than being tired tonight I have had a good day.
More information
I think I just found my answer to that question in a dictaton on page 2 of the bone marrow biopsy report.
The increase cellularity comes from para-trabecular aggregates of small mature cleaved Lymphocytes. In this case having those extra cells isn't good because they are cancer cells. They are a monotypic CD10 positive B-cell
The increase cellularity comes from para-trabecular aggregates of small mature cleaved Lymphocytes. In this case having those extra cells isn't good because they are cancer cells. They are a monotypic CD10 positive B-cell
Information Please
Dear Cam,
Thank you for your offer to help decipher the medical terminology for all of us! I have found out that there are many people who are following this blog and so this is for them too.
On the bone marrow report the diagnosis showed that there was involvement by the follicular lymphoma. That I understand but there was also noted that I have Hypercellular bone marrow for my age with evidence of orderly trilineage heatopoiesis. What does that mean?
Thank you for your offer to help decipher the medical terminology for all of us! I have found out that there are many people who are following this blog and so this is for them too.
On the bone marrow report the diagnosis showed that there was involvement by the follicular lymphoma. That I understand but there was also noted that I have Hypercellular bone marrow for my age with evidence of orderly trilineage heatopoiesis. What does that mean?
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Drugs
For those of you wondering what has got my tail in a spin, these are the drugs they are planning on shooting into my carotid (?)artery via a port that they have implanted in my right chest just above the breast.
Cytoxan, Vincristine, Prednisone, Rituxan, and the anti nausea medications Aloxi and Decadron
Take a look at the side effects of those drugs and you can see that I might be jumping from the frying pan to the fire.Right now I am feeling pretty good and healthy but I can guarantee you I won't be feeling so good or healthy while and perhaps even after taking all those drugs.
Do I really want to risk all that I have got going for me right now?
Cytoxan, Vincristine, Prednisone, Rituxan, and the anti nausea medications Aloxi and Decadron
Take a look at the side effects of those drugs and you can see that I might be jumping from the frying pan to the fire.Right now I am feeling pretty good and healthy but I can guarantee you I won't be feeling so good or healthy while and perhaps even after taking all those drugs.
Do I really want to risk all that I have got going for me right now?
Tormented
I have not slept well all night. The thoughts of the drugs that they want to use on me will not let me rest. They are ugly drugs and they do harm to the body.. I refuse to believe that putting toxic drugs into the body can be good. That only destroys the body, it does not heal it. Anything that does harm to the body is not good for you and should be left alone.
I am feeling like I am being backed into a corner. I am angry. I am scared and I am dangerous. I need to find answers. Man does not know how to cure this disease but God does- He is the Master Healer and He has the answers. He is my hope and He is my salvation. I must trust Him with all my heart.
I am feeling like I am being backed into a corner. I am angry. I am scared and I am dangerous. I need to find answers. Man does not know how to cure this disease but God does- He is the Master Healer and He has the answers. He is my hope and He is my salvation. I must trust Him with all my heart.
Friday, January 15, 2010
My First Visit with Dr. Oken
This morning Brian and I met with Dr. Oken and his nurse. I have to admit that I was not a very pleasant person to be around-major case of the grouchies- but Dr. Oken and his nurse managed to calm me down. He asked all kinds of questions about my health history and the health history of my siblings and parents. Then we talked about our grandchildren- he is going to be grandpa for the second time soon and is very excited about it.
Dr. Oken has worked in oncology for 33 years and is very capable of handling the task at hand. He is a prominent physician and has worked at the Mayo Clinic and many other major cancer research facilities.
The news is that I am in stage 4 as the lymphoma has spread to my bones. He said however that it is existing collaterally with my good bone marrow and that I have more bone marrow than most people my age. SO although it has spread my good bone marrow is still doing a good job fighting infections. I do not show any signs of having cancer any other place except in my abdominal lymph nodes and they have grown into a mass 16cm x 22cm. So I have been given the grade 1a, which means that I have a slow growing cancer. It apparently has taken years to get this big. He tried to explain the genetics of it all so I could try to explain it to my daughter who is working on her PhD in Plant Genetics but the closest I came to understanding any of it was that there is a protein CD- 20 which is attached to the outside of a cell(?) that they use as a target for chemotherapy. Anyway the chemo will target that protein and wipe out the cell. The prognosis for recovery from this is good to intermediate. I will be on chemotherapy for 6 months and then on a two year follow-up with another drug.
I have to go in weekly to have my blood checked to make sure that my white blood cells are not bottoming out. They will wait for my body to recover before they give me the next round of chemo. In February I will go back in for another CT scan to see how the tumor is responding to treatment. They seemed pretty optimistic about every thing but I still dread the thought of all those drugs being pumped into me. He said that when we talk about survival of this type of cancer we talk in multiple decades and not years. Before I can start the chemo I have to go and get a regular flu shot and also the H1N1 shot. These two illnesses could be life threatening to me once my immune system becomes weak from the chemo. That is one thing that really scares me because I have always and still am pretty strong and able to fight off illness and now that is going to be compromised. I pray that when the chemotherapy is all done that I will regain all my natural strength and be as healthy or maybe healthier than I've ever been.
Dr. Oken has worked in oncology for 33 years and is very capable of handling the task at hand. He is a prominent physician and has worked at the Mayo Clinic and many other major cancer research facilities.
The news is that I am in stage 4 as the lymphoma has spread to my bones. He said however that it is existing collaterally with my good bone marrow and that I have more bone marrow than most people my age. SO although it has spread my good bone marrow is still doing a good job fighting infections. I do not show any signs of having cancer any other place except in my abdominal lymph nodes and they have grown into a mass 16cm x 22cm. So I have been given the grade 1a, which means that I have a slow growing cancer. It apparently has taken years to get this big. He tried to explain the genetics of it all so I could try to explain it to my daughter who is working on her PhD in Plant Genetics but the closest I came to understanding any of it was that there is a protein CD- 20 which is attached to the outside of a cell(?) that they use as a target for chemotherapy. Anyway the chemo will target that protein and wipe out the cell. The prognosis for recovery from this is good to intermediate. I will be on chemotherapy for 6 months and then on a two year follow-up with another drug.
I have to go in weekly to have my blood checked to make sure that my white blood cells are not bottoming out. They will wait for my body to recover before they give me the next round of chemo. In February I will go back in for another CT scan to see how the tumor is responding to treatment. They seemed pretty optimistic about every thing but I still dread the thought of all those drugs being pumped into me. He said that when we talk about survival of this type of cancer we talk in multiple decades and not years. Before I can start the chemo I have to go and get a regular flu shot and also the H1N1 shot. These two illnesses could be life threatening to me once my immune system becomes weak from the chemo. That is one thing that really scares me because I have always and still am pretty strong and able to fight off illness and now that is going to be compromised. I pray that when the chemotherapy is all done that I will regain all my natural strength and be as healthy or maybe healthier than I've ever been.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
A Language All Their Own!
I went into Litchfield today to pick up my medical records so that I could read over the results before going to see the onclogist in the morning. Some of what was said I could understand but I have come to the conclusion that the reason we can not understand doctors is that Merriam Webster has never allowed their language into our dictionaries. I tried finding some of the words and they do not exist.
Some of the findings and the lab work seem to contradict each other as well. That doctor is going to really have to dumb things down for me or maybe I just need one of those books, Medical Terminology for Dummies"
Some of the findings and the lab work seem to contradict each other as well. That doctor is going to really have to dumb things down for me or maybe I just need one of those books, Medical Terminology for Dummies"
Choices and Consequences
Every day we make choices and for each choice we make there is a consequence. When we make the correct choices we are blessed with good results. On occasion we must make choices/decisions of great magnitude.Tomorrow I must make such a decision. Tomorrow's decision is literally one of life and death.
I have spent many hours in study of alternative cancer treatments( see "Cancer Fighting Strategies" on the web and "Cancer Fighting Foods").
I have read books and articles about how our diet affects our potential for getting and fighting cancer.There are many articles that are pro- natural and many articles against going natural. It has all reduced me to tears at times as I become overwhelmed with all the information.The decision: Will this war that I am about to fight be unconventional/ natural or conventional/ chemotherapy. The natural ways are supposedly healing and restorative in nature, the chemo blasts the body with chemicals that are toxic in nature and are lethal. They are designed to kill.
Some scriptures are running through my head> "Cast thy burdens upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee:.." Psalms 55:22
"My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:
For length of days,and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
Let not mercy and truth forsake thee:bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:
So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Proverbs 5:1-8
I have spent many hours in study of alternative cancer treatments( see "Cancer Fighting Strategies" on the web and "Cancer Fighting Foods").
I have read books and articles about how our diet affects our potential for getting and fighting cancer.There are many articles that are pro- natural and many articles against going natural. It has all reduced me to tears at times as I become overwhelmed with all the information.The decision: Will this war that I am about to fight be unconventional/ natural or conventional/ chemotherapy. The natural ways are supposedly healing and restorative in nature, the chemo blasts the body with chemicals that are toxic in nature and are lethal. They are designed to kill.
Some scriptures are running through my head> "Cast thy burdens upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee:.." Psalms 55:22
"My son, forget not my law; but let thine heart keep my commandments:
For length of days,and long life, and peace, shall they add to thee.
Let not mercy and truth forsake thee:bind them about thy neck; write them upon the table of thine heart:
So shalt thou find favour and good understanding in the sight of God and man.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Be not wise in thine own eyes; fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Proverbs 5:1-8
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
A Special Visit
After receiving more bad news yesterday I decided it was time to get out and enjoy life instead of dwelling on the negative and so I went into town. I ran some errands, picked up my sister and went to visit dad. We had a good visit. After our visit was over I took my sister home, went and got gas and then dropped by to pay a visit with some very special ladies.
My supervisor from work called and asked if I felt up to coming for a visit as the ladies had been asking about me and wondering where I have been. When they saw me they were all smiles and full of hugs. I explained to them where I had been and what had been happening. I know that two of them were able to understand the conversation. The other two ladies held onto me and pretty much stuck to my hip.
I love them with all my heart and I will have to make sure that I stop by often to give them my love and also to feel of their love for me.
I have been richly blessed by these noble spirits.
My supervisor from work called and asked if I felt up to coming for a visit as the ladies had been asking about me and wondering where I have been. When they saw me they were all smiles and full of hugs. I explained to them where I had been and what had been happening. I know that two of them were able to understand the conversation. The other two ladies held onto me and pretty much stuck to my hip.
I love them with all my heart and I will have to make sure that I stop by often to give them my love and also to feel of their love for me.
I have been richly blessed by these noble spirits.
The War Begins
My first appointment with the oncologist will be Friday the 15th of January. He will be able to talk to us more about what stage and grade of cancer I have, the plan of attack, the kind of casualties to expect, and the prognosis for winning this battle.
I have never faced this kind of battle before but I have seen others go through it and it isn't pretty. War of any kind is ugly but with the Lord's help I will get through this.
I have never faced this kind of battle before but I have seen others go through it and it isn't pretty. War of any kind is ugly but with the Lord's help I will get through this.
The Results of the Bone Marrow Biopsies
The results are in and they are not good. Another set back. 15- 25% of my bone marrow shows signs of cancer. It is hard to imagine that I feel so good when I am so filled with cancer and suppose to be so sick.
It is a blessing for keeping the Word of Wisdom. I will hang on to those promises.
... " And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings,walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in the navel and marrow to their bones;
And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and shall not slay them. Amen.
Doctrine and Covenants 89:18-21
It is a blessing for keeping the Word of Wisdom. I will hang on to those promises.
... " And all saints who remember to keep and do these sayings,walking in obedience to the commandments, shall receive health in the navel and marrow to their bones;
And shall find wisdom and great treasures of knowledge, even hidden treasures;
And shall run and not be weary, and shall walk and not faint.
And I, the Lord, give unto them a promise, that the destroying angel shall pass by them, as the children of Israel, and shall not slay them. Amen.
Doctrine and Covenants 89:18-21
Monday, January 11, 2010
Back to driving
Yesterday was the first day that I have attempted to get behind the wheel of the car since having surgery. My first outing was to church.
That went well but I tired out quickly and ended up coming home early.
After a two hour nap I went in to vist with my dad. Again I was not able to be gone long and by the time I got home I was all in. I slept from 5-9 pm and then got up for a while. I started to hurt and so I sat down in the recliner and fell asleep. I woke up at 2 AM and didn't have any more pain so after going to the bathroom I headed back to the recliner. That is the most comfortable place for me right now. I got up at 7 this morning and am waiting for a call from the doctor. I should find out today the results of the bone marrow biopsies and also what stage the cancer is at.
That went well but I tired out quickly and ended up coming home early.
After a two hour nap I went in to vist with my dad. Again I was not able to be gone long and by the time I got home I was all in. I slept from 5-9 pm and then got up for a while. I started to hurt and so I sat down in the recliner and fell asleep. I woke up at 2 AM and didn't have any more pain so after going to the bathroom I headed back to the recliner. That is the most comfortable place for me right now. I got up at 7 this morning and am waiting for a call from the doctor. I should find out today the results of the bone marrow biopsies and also what stage the cancer is at.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
The Healing Process
Now that the tests are completed my body has a chance to recover from all the poking, prodding, slicing and dicing. I do not have much of an appetite and when I do eat the food goes stright through me. My bowels are irritated from all the medications and the probing. It will take them time to settle back down. My skin has become blistered from all the tape that I have had put on me and although I am not to remove the dressings for 5 days I could no longer stand the intense itching from the tape. I remove the tape and the dressings over the port only to discover a much larger blister. My sister offers to take me to the doctor to get checked out. The doctor removes all the tape and the steri strips from my incisions and wraps me in gauze. The gauze will then be taped to itself to hold it in place. She checks to see if any information has come back on the bone marrow biopsies. Still no word and so we wait. Each day I am feeling a little bit better. The soreness from the surgical sites is going away. The itching has subsided since the tape has been removed. My bowels are calming down. I still have the blisters but they do not hurt or itch. I am alive, the sun is shining, I have multiple prayers being offered on my behalf, I am beginging to feel better and most of all I have the love and support of my family. I am truly blessed.
The Tests Begin
I was scheduled for another CT scan the following day. This one was to be of the chest cavity to rule out the possibility of cancer in that region of my body. Another round of pretreatment drugs, another scan but this time I received good news. There was no sign of cancer above the diaphragm. The doctor scheduled me to come back on the 30th to have a biopsy done. I arrived at the hospital early that morning to prepare for the procedure. Brian, my husband, was with me as was our daughter, Melinda and my sisters. An ultra sound of the lymph nodes was ordered before surgery to see if they could find a viable sample from either my groin or arm pits. There was only one possible lymph node that held promise. It was in my arm pit and so the doctor prepared to go in and harvest it. Once it was harvested it would be driven 25 miles to Willmar for the pathologist to look at it.
I was given a light sedative and the procedure was done. Everything went well until the doctor received a call from the pathologist telling him that it was not a viable sample of tissue. Back in to surgery I went.
This time the doctor would have to open up my abdomen and remove tissue directly from the tumor. I was on the operating table three hours this time. As the doctor waited for the pathologist to call him back he checked out my other internal organs. They all appeared to be okay. I was in immense pain when I was coming out of the anesthetic and so I was given morphine, catheterized, and kept on oxygen . I would be spending the night in the hospital. I was released from the hospital at 6PM the following day. The surgeon had been in contact with the oncologist and the oncologist ordered more tests. A Mugga Scan of the heart to find out how well it was working and bone marrow biopsies from each hip. I was scheduled for surgery again on the 5th of January. My emotions were running on a roller coaster and they were headed down.I started to have reactions to all the medications I had been given in the hospital and I felt sick. People were constantly calling me with advice on how best to treat this cancer and offering me their support. I began having feelings of anxiety and panic and was having a hard time with dealing with the reality of it all. I didn't want to talk about it and I just wanted to be left alone. I started to become mean tempered and angry and Brian was getting the brunt of it. The problem was I didn't know who or what I should be angry with, I was just feeling angry. All the plans I had looked forward to for this new year were crumbling. I would likely be spending this year in a weak and vulnerable condition and would have to let others take care of me and all that I had been taking care of. I felt angry and I didn't like that feeling. I felt hopeless and I didn't want to go through Chemo therapy!
Brian and I arrived at 7 AM on the 5th of January for the biopsies and the scan. The doctor was also going to put in a port for the chemo drugs to be put into so that they would not keep having to find a vein to put the drugs in. The doctor came in to talk to us and we found out that I have Follicular Lymphoma. He gave us some papers to read about Follicular Lymphoma. The bone marrow biopsies would help to determine just how far the cancer had spread in my body. The Mugga scan would tell if my heart could handle chemo therapy. This was called the staging process.
The tests are completed now and so we wait for the results.
I am heart sick to note that there is no cure for this cancer and they can not operate to remove the tumor because of its location. It is in the mesentery which is vital to keeping the internal organs in place.
As I read the information that I am given I become more discouraged.
Brian finds hope, I feel despair. There is no cure so what is the point in going through all the pain and suffering of chemotherapy. Even if it goes into remission I might only get another ten years and what will my quality of life be like? Will I be healthy enough to do the things I love so much? Will I suffer lasting side effects from all the chemo drugs? There are no answers.
I was given a light sedative and the procedure was done. Everything went well until the doctor received a call from the pathologist telling him that it was not a viable sample of tissue. Back in to surgery I went.
This time the doctor would have to open up my abdomen and remove tissue directly from the tumor. I was on the operating table three hours this time. As the doctor waited for the pathologist to call him back he checked out my other internal organs. They all appeared to be okay. I was in immense pain when I was coming out of the anesthetic and so I was given morphine, catheterized, and kept on oxygen . I would be spending the night in the hospital. I was released from the hospital at 6PM the following day. The surgeon had been in contact with the oncologist and the oncologist ordered more tests. A Mugga Scan of the heart to find out how well it was working and bone marrow biopsies from each hip. I was scheduled for surgery again on the 5th of January. My emotions were running on a roller coaster and they were headed down.I started to have reactions to all the medications I had been given in the hospital and I felt sick. People were constantly calling me with advice on how best to treat this cancer and offering me their support. I began having feelings of anxiety and panic and was having a hard time with dealing with the reality of it all. I didn't want to talk about it and I just wanted to be left alone. I started to become mean tempered and angry and Brian was getting the brunt of it. The problem was I didn't know who or what I should be angry with, I was just feeling angry. All the plans I had looked forward to for this new year were crumbling. I would likely be spending this year in a weak and vulnerable condition and would have to let others take care of me and all that I had been taking care of. I felt angry and I didn't like that feeling. I felt hopeless and I didn't want to go through Chemo therapy!
Brian and I arrived at 7 AM on the 5th of January for the biopsies and the scan. The doctor was also going to put in a port for the chemo drugs to be put into so that they would not keep having to find a vein to put the drugs in. The doctor came in to talk to us and we found out that I have Follicular Lymphoma. He gave us some papers to read about Follicular Lymphoma. The bone marrow biopsies would help to determine just how far the cancer had spread in my body. The Mugga scan would tell if my heart could handle chemo therapy. This was called the staging process.
The tests are completed now and so we wait for the results.
I am heart sick to note that there is no cure for this cancer and they can not operate to remove the tumor because of its location. It is in the mesentery which is vital to keeping the internal organs in place.
As I read the information that I am given I become more discouraged.
Brian finds hope, I feel despair. There is no cure so what is the point in going through all the pain and suffering of chemotherapy. Even if it goes into remission I might only get another ten years and what will my quality of life be like? Will I be healthy enough to do the things I love so much? Will I suffer lasting side effects from all the chemo drugs? There are no answers.
The Diagnosis
The CT scan of the abdominal region was not bad in and of itself but because I am allergic to the medicines that they had to give me I had to be pre-treated with Steroids and Benadryl to prevent an allergic reaction. The medications burned and made the vein in my arm hurt as they went towards my heart. Once they hit my heart, my blood pressure dropped and I became very dizzy. The nurse put the side rails up so that I could have something to hold onto that didn't move. About 10 minutes later they came with a wheel chair to wheel me down for my Scan. The Contrast was injected into my IV and I felt a warm sensation come over my body as it pumped through my veins.
It wasn't long and the test was done. I was still to groggy to walk and so the nurses helped me to get dressed and wheeled me across the street to the clinic. I was put back into another room and there I waited trying to shake off the effects of the drugs. I'm not sure but I believe it was a half hour after I returned that the doctor came in and told me that I had Lymphoma. I burst into tears. How could it be? I didn't feel sick, I had no pain. Was she sure of her diagnosis? She said that the surgeon was looking at my tests and that he would be over to talk to me when he was finished. As I waited in the room, I sobbed and I made phone calls. I called my husband, then one of my sisters.
I waited to call my supervisor from work as she had agreed to come and pick me up after my appointment. I was told before the scan was done that I needed to find someone to give me a ride home as I would be in no position to drive after all the medication that I had been given and Leaurie had agreed to pick me up. Another half hour or so passed and the surgeon came in to speak with me. He again confirmed that I had Lymphoma. He needed to get more tests done so that the oncologist had all the information he needed to determine how to best treat the cancer.
It wasn't long and the test was done. I was still to groggy to walk and so the nurses helped me to get dressed and wheeled me across the street to the clinic. I was put back into another room and there I waited trying to shake off the effects of the drugs. I'm not sure but I believe it was a half hour after I returned that the doctor came in and told me that I had Lymphoma. I burst into tears. How could it be? I didn't feel sick, I had no pain. Was she sure of her diagnosis? She said that the surgeon was looking at my tests and that he would be over to talk to me when he was finished. As I waited in the room, I sobbed and I made phone calls. I called my husband, then one of my sisters.
I waited to call my supervisor from work as she had agreed to come and pick me up after my appointment. I was told before the scan was done that I needed to find someone to give me a ride home as I would be in no position to drive after all the medication that I had been given and Leaurie had agreed to pick me up. Another half hour or so passed and the surgeon came in to speak with me. He again confirmed that I had Lymphoma. He needed to get more tests done so that the oncologist had all the information he needed to determine how to best treat the cancer.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Discovery
There were no obvious warning signs that could have prepared me for what I was about to discover. I felt well, was fighting to lose weight, no cold, no sore throat, no fever, just hot flashes every now and then but on Sunday ,December 20th, 2009 I made a discovery that was about to change my life.
As I rolled over in bed and prepared to get up, I felt a hard lump in my abdomen. I knew it wasn't a six-pack that I was sporting and all I said was, "This isn't good!" My husband asked me what wasn't good and I told him what I had found. He told me that I needed to make an appointment with the doctor in the morning. I decided that I would make a list of things to talk to the doctor about and I would just put that on the list.
On Monday morning I made the appointment. It was set for Wednesday at 8:15 and so I took my list and went in to see my doctor.
I spoke with her about getting my thyroid rechecked and the possibility of getting some repair work done to fix a problem that had returned. She asked if I would like to get that done before or after the first of the year for insurance purposes and I told her that there was one other item I needed her to check out. I told her that I had found a lump and that I knew it wasn't a six -pack that I was toting. She saw the humor in my statement and we shared some laughter but when I showed her the lump in my abdomen she said , "Well there is no decision left to make, you need a CT Scan." She ordered blood work and a chest x-ray and then she had me wait in one of the rooms. As I had not had anything to eat that morning she set me up for a CT scan at the hospital right away. When I was done there I was to come back over to the clinic to see her.
As I rolled over in bed and prepared to get up, I felt a hard lump in my abdomen. I knew it wasn't a six-pack that I was sporting and all I said was, "This isn't good!" My husband asked me what wasn't good and I told him what I had found. He told me that I needed to make an appointment with the doctor in the morning. I decided that I would make a list of things to talk to the doctor about and I would just put that on the list.
On Monday morning I made the appointment. It was set for Wednesday at 8:15 and so I took my list and went in to see my doctor.
I spoke with her about getting my thyroid rechecked and the possibility of getting some repair work done to fix a problem that had returned. She asked if I would like to get that done before or after the first of the year for insurance purposes and I told her that there was one other item I needed her to check out. I told her that I had found a lump and that I knew it wasn't a six -pack that I was toting. She saw the humor in my statement and we shared some laughter but when I showed her the lump in my abdomen she said , "Well there is no decision left to make, you need a CT Scan." She ordered blood work and a chest x-ray and then she had me wait in one of the rooms. As I had not had anything to eat that morning she set me up for a CT scan at the hospital right away. When I was done there I was to come back over to the clinic to see her.
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