I have been told that anger is a normal part of dealing with cancer but I don't like it and it makes me feel like a monster. I hate that feeling- it is so ugly and it can manifest itself in ways that are injurious. It makes me mean and short -tempered and sometimes I say and do things that hurt others, particularly those that are closest to me.
I know that anger is brought on by not dealing with the primary emotions of disappointment, frustration and hurt feelings. I have been trying to deal with those emotions throughout this whole ordeal but I am finding that there are some things which I do not understand and there are some things which I have no control over and it makes me frustrated when there are no answers. This is one problem that I can not solve, one thing that I cannot try to fix or mend and it makes me feel helpless. The doctor is quick to assure me that they can get rid of this tumor but the drugs they want to use are toxic and can, in and of themselves ,cause different forms of cancer. I feel healthy and I do not want to destroy my health, yet these drugs kill off both the good and the bad. I wonder what life will be like for me on the other side of chemotherapy. It is like gambling and there is no telling what the outcome will be. What hand will I be dealt and what will I have to deal with? It is in the hands of God and man and I must let go.
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Good luck, Mom!
ReplyDeleteWhenever you feel negative feeling it's always at least one of these 3 things: wanting control, approval safety. This also comes from feeling like we are in lack of whatever we are upset at. Say yes to the negative feeling an the feeling of lack an allow yourself to feel it keep saying yes until it's gone.
ReplyDeleteThen give the situation emotion or thing upsetting you love and approval(acceptance). it will put you in a space of positive energy an help your body. You are stronger than you know! Keep your headup.