I'm Still Here

After yesterday's discouraging news I felt so down that all I could do was cry. It helped me alot when Sue, my next door neighbor and also a cancer survivor, dropped in for an unexpected visit.She and her son, Daniel, left around five and with them going came the discouragement setting back in. It was horrible and by seven I was in peril. I needed to talk or get out of the house but I was afraid that if I got in the car and a wave of anger were to come over me that I would pick the first semi to run into. I contemplated calling 911 and having them take me to a crisis center. I also contemplated throwing my car keys as far out into the field as I could toss them but then I contemplated on just calling and talking to my son Steve, who has his Bachelors degree in psychology.More than that though he has a deep love of our Savior and a profound understanding of the Gospel. I decided that he was exactly the person I needed to talk to. We talked for nearly two hours and by the time I got off the phone I was more in control of myself and Brian was home from work.
Last night, as I lay in bed, I asked God to please show me his presence in my life at this time. I needed to know that if He was truly orchestrating these events to help me grow and learn then I needed to see His hand in it. I got my answer. Where two doctors failed to recognize that I was in BIG trouble just by looking and observing the outside conditions of my arm over the past two weeks, Heavenly Father was able to block off the port so that they had to look deeper and do more in depth studies. As they did that yesterday, they found the deep seated blot clots and further treatments with drugs that may not agree with my body were put on hold.
God is with me and He is watching over me! I am in His arms at this hard time in my life and although I do not have all the answers to my questions, it helps to know that He is with me.