Return to Work

I returned to work and actually worked a three day weekend shift. It went real well and I enjoyed helping the ladies make sugar cookies, and helping them with their household chores. It was a fairly quiet weekend. I will be working every other weekend . It is emotionally satisfying to be back at work and to be able to get back to my normal lifestyle.

Day of Great Joy

It has been 3 & 1/2 months since my last Chemotherapy/ Rituxin Round and so today I decided it was time to have my blood Chemistry and my Protime / INR levels checked. I could have jumped up and down for joy when I saw the results. Everything is back to normal levels! My body has recovered from being knocked down! I give praise that Heavenly Father created us in such a way that our bodies can bounce back even after such horrible drugs have gone through them. I know however that He has also blessed me immensely from all of the fasting and prayers that have been said on my behalf. Thank you all for your love, encouragement and support during this past 10 1/2 months!

One more step on the road to recovery

This morning I went into the hospital to have my port removed. The removal of the port took less time than the preparations and set up. The surgery went well. Tonight the incision bled a little bit when I tried to get out of my sweatshirt but I got it to stop with direct pressure and put a new bandage over the site. For the next couple of days I will have to wear button type shirts but that is no big deal.
Tonight the WOC nurse called and talked with me. She is helping me to determine which ostomy products are a best fit for me. I have several options to try and so it is just a matter of trying them out until I find out what works best for me. once that has been determined she will write out a prescription so that I can have the products sent directly to the house. That will be nice since I won't have to run into town to pick them up.

I spoke with the chemo nurse yesterday as she was going to talk with Dr. Oken about my situation.
I am suppose to have 2 years of follow- up Rituxan therapy but because it lowers the immune system and opens me up for more infection they do not want to touch me until well after everything is healed up. I see Dr. Finne in 6 months for another check-up. He will monitor my bowels to see how well they are healing.

Home From the Hospital

I came home from the hospital today.
The surgery went well and so did the recovery. I woke up to find myself tethered to many monitors and pieces of equipment but one by one they were removed. I ended up having a colostomy as my insides need to heal. Dr. Finne said it will be for six months. The good news is that there was no sign of cancer in any of the diseased tissues! This problem was all related to the rupture of a diveticuli. Dr Finne got most , if not all of them out with the bowel resection and said that he can not guarantee that I will never have problems like this again but the chances of it got a whole lot less.
My life is about adapting and changing right now but I need to just keep pressing forward.

Preparations

Today I began to prepare for Thursday. I took my sisters shopping and decided that I needed to pick up something to occupy my time in the hospital. I do not do well in a hospital setting because I feel "caged" in.
Perhaps this is why I feel guilty when an animal has to be caged. I want to release cats when I see them in cages. It is just not right for an animal that loves its independence and freedom to be caged.

I did not go to church on Sunday because my head was too congested and I was hacking up a storm. Instead I stayed home and worked on family history. Over time my family information has been mixed in with other people that I have done research for and it became totally disorganized. I got that all fixed up on Sunday and it feels so good to be able to find records that I did not even remember that I had! Sometimes I surprise myself with finding records and I wonder where I found them anyway. Lesson one- research log- write down where and when you found the information to prevent wasting time, money and energy!
Speaking of energy- I have very little and it is getting harder to walk and keep going. I over did it today and at one point felt like I might collapse. The doctor feels that it is because of everything that I have been battling this past 9 months and it is catching up to me. I wonder if it is simply that I need to get out and start exercising more to keep up my strength. It is a fine balance and I do not know how to walk that tightrope. I received a blessing tonight and was told that my strength will return somewhat but that I must not try to walk faster than I have strength. A lesson in patience again? Perhaps.

Tonight we had some company for a very brief period of time. A former Missionary couple stopped by for a visit and to help give me a blessing. It was a treasured few minutes. I saw them earlier today and was able to visit with them longer then. They are a super couple!

Tonight I am physically exhausted but my mind is active. A tough spot for me to be in so here I am at the computer, multi-tasking and hoping that the computer will not shut down. Ohhhh, that gets irritating!!!!!!

From the Frying Pan into the Fire

I thought that once the cancer treatment was through that I could regain my health but it is not meant to be. Another set back in my health has me stressing out all over again. I just want life to get back to normal, the way it was before all of these health problems came upon me. I should not complain because I know there are people out there that have it much worse than I do. I should be focusing on the positive and not the negative but the negative is before me in undeniable clarity.

This coming week I will be going in for surgery to have a portion of my colon removed as well as having some other problems that have cropped up repaired. Today I was suppose to go down to the wound ostomy clinic so that they could mark on my abdomen the best place to put a stoma. I didn't go because I came down with a bad cold yesterday and have felt really rough all day today. The wound ostomy nurse assured me that there would be enough time on the day of my surgery( Thursday) to get things all marked off. I'm glad that I didn't go today because it would have only increased the stress to have a target painted on my abdomen all week long. I need to let go and let God handle all of this as I am not doing a very good job of it.
I guess I should prepare for the worst and hope for the best at least that way I can't get too disappointed if things do not go well. I wonder when this trial will end. I wonder if life will ever return to or even be somewhat normal. I am ready for this to all end.

Blessings

I may not be blessed with a lot of material wealth in this life but I am blessed with many friends, some whom I may or may not meet in this life. Today, I received yet another card in the mail from someone whom I do not know. She is from the Methodist Church in Litchfield and knows of my challenges through my sister, Cecilia. She told me that their church is praying for me. I have the prayers from their church added by the prayers of many other churches both in this area and in other states. I have come to further understand that one of God's greatest blessings for his children are in the friends that He gives to us. I have been blessed by many through all the prayers that have been offered on my behalf. Friendship is a blessing! Thank you to all for your friendship and prayers!

Busy Week Ahead

I am not really sure if this week could really be classified as a continuation with my war on cancer or not but since I have not been given the green light , so to speak, from my Oncologist and he is keeping a very close watch on what is happening to me, I guess I'll just continue to write everything here. One day, perhaps, I will be able to write in a survivor's log.

This week is going to be very busy for me! I love it when I can stay busy but enjoy it most when the focus is on someone else or some other thing than me.
With Brian's help, I finished putting up the grape juice. I picked the grapes and Brian helped me to wash, sort, and pull the stems from them. Late last night I finally pulled the jars from the water bath. Except for labeling the jars and putting them away, the grape harvest is officially over!
Today is church! A day of rest! I visit with my Dad on Sunday afternoons. I enjoy my time with him and draw a lot of comfort from being near him. I am going to miss him tremendously when his time is done upon this earth. He is 93 now and time is taking its toll on him. This week I will talk to his doctor about some tests that were done last week. I have been going to his doctor's appointments with him for 11 years. We've been through alot together.
I am not looking forward to the rest of this week!
Thursday I have my pre- op appointment with Dr. Strei. On Friday, I go down to Minneapolis to the wound ostomy clinic. I pray that I will not have to have a colostomy or an ileostomy but there is that possibility and so they are going to prepare me for that possibility.

On Saturday I have a Stake women's conference in St. Cloud. Our focus is on service and I believe this is the time when we will be putting together the Hygiene kits that will be sent out to the church's humanitarian aide distribution site in Salt Lake City. Our goal was 1200 kits! I hope we will make it! That will be a good way to end this week! I look forward to that event.

Happy Day

I think most people are familiar with picking a flower and then pulling off one petal at a time while saying the words,"He loves me , He loves me not"! Last Saturday was kind of like that for me, except I wasn't questioning any ones love for me. I was questioning weather or not I should take a bike ride despite all the reasons I could say "NO". It was such a beautiful day and I was feeling strong and healthy so I chose to go. Brian came with me as we made our way East on the back roads that have been recently paved. Up the hills and down the hills and it was so much fun! I had to stop a couple of times to rest going up the hills and the last one I had to walk up a little bit but after three miles on the bike I felt wonderful! It was so good to get some good exercise and the only thing that complained was my left knee, too bad it was worth the effort. When we got home, I rested for a little bit and then we went out to the Nelson farm for the festivities being offered by the power company in celebration of their 75th anniversary. We had the opportunity to get a ride in the bucket of one of their trucks that took us 55 feet in the air. We had to throw our legs over the side of the bucket to get in and out of it and I managed to do it with very little effort- Thank you Heavenly Father for helping me to not make a fool of myself! It was good to see that both Brian and I were able to keep our eyes open and look around. They had us tethered in with harnesses so that should we fall we would not go more than 10 feet. Now I know that I could use a bucket truck to trim off some of the dead branches on these trees out here at the farm. That will be a long way off but at least I know that I could do it!
After the bucket ride we enjoyed their free lunch and some of the other activities. One of my favorites was the catapult. It was huge and they used it to catapult a pumpkin over the top of a distant Oak tree.
This would have been a fun one to take the boy scouts to when I was working with the Webelos! They would have loved it too but I am almost positive that they would have liked to try it out too.
After the Pumpkin smashing, Brian and I got separated. He wound up at the Corn Maze and I went on a wagon ride through the corn fields. I was amazed to see how much corn smut was in the field but we have had a wet, hot and humid summer so I guess it should not have surprised me too much. Brian and I finally met up over at the REA booth where they were displaying/ showing the dangers of hitting power lines with farm equipment. After that I was ready to go home. It was all so interesting but I was wore out from all the walking.
We went back home and I grabbed another quick nap before heading out to a birthday party for a special little four year old that loves to sit with us at church. We had a great time there visiting with her family and friends and by the time we got home I was pretty much done in for the day - but oh what a day it was! I am grateful that I felt well enough and had enough strength to enjoy the day fully. Thank you Heavenly Father for giving me the strength to enjoy each day!

Drain Comes Out Today!

After speaking with Dr. Finne this morning , he said that the drain could come out today. He gave me the option of coming into the clinic in the Cities to have it removed or having it removed out here. All things considered, I am getting it removed out here. I see Dr. Strei at 2PM. It will be wonderful to be free of this contraption!

Heart Song

My heart is singing this morning! I have made a new friend this weekend even though he is miles from me! I'd better explain or it is going to make people think that I am not being faithful to Brian and that is not true.

Family means everything to me! I love my family, including those I have never met, because they have helped me to become the person that I am today. They have brought me great joy in my life and I love to hug them whenever I can.

So you can understand my joy when I opened up a blog to discover that I had more pictures of some of my grandchildren and an update on each of them. I can't reach through the phone lines or the internet to give each of them a BIG HUG but I sure would love to be able to do so. We do not get to see our family very often but this summer we have been real blessed to have had some of them with us, along with their parents. Our children and grandchildren are a rich blessing in our lives and we love them dearly!

There is another reason that my heart is singing today! The Lord knows how important family is to me. I love learning about them and all the sacrifices that they made so that I could live in a land with so much promise and opportunity. I will always be grateful for their sacrifices, their courage to face the unknown, their strength to endure great challenges, and their choice to come to America.
Two weeks ago, while looking for information on my Lundgren family I ran into some information that suggested that I might have another relative working on our family line. He had left his name and how I could get in touch with him on the web site and so I grabbed the opportunity to do just that. I spoke with him on the phone last night and we compared notes. Some things just didn't seem to be right though and so more research was needed. He called me back this morning to tell me that he had figured thing out. It turns out that our Great-great grandparents had the same names. They were all from Sweden. My great-grandfather and his brother's and sisters were listed under his Great-Great grandparents as their children. Records have become tangled and errors have been made so they need to be corrected. As it turns out, Phillip served as a missionary back in 1969.
His mission took him to Sweden, where he learned the Swedish Language, and culture. He now lives in Sandy, Utah and has offered to meet my children at the Family History Center in Salt Lake City to help them sort through the Swedish records of my family, and to teach them how to read and interpret the Lutheran Church records from Sweden. He said that the records will take us back to the 1600's if rodents, floods or fires did not destroy them. I am way excited to learn more about my family!

Recovering

The surgery went well yesterday. I was surprised that they didn't put me under to do it but they did give me a sedative to calm me down and some lidocaine to help deaden the area. I watched on the screen as the doctor did the procedure. It wasn't comfortable but I made it through. I was in surgery about 2 hours but most of it was prep time as they used a CT to pin point the exact area that they needed to put in the drain.
We left the Cities about 5 last night and when I got home I sat down in the recliner and crashed. Got up around 10 and took my medicine and hobbled off to bed. I'm moving very slow this morning and will be taking it easy this weekend. Taking Extra Strength Tylenol for the pain. The doctor told me that when the abscess quits draining that it can come out but Dr. Finne may opt to have it stay in place until surgery on the 30th. Just have to take it one day at a time.

Surgery is set for 1PM today

My INR is at 1.2 this morning and I am good to go for surgery. Brian and I will be leaving for the Cities at 10AM. Have to be at Abbott/ Northwestern by noon for surgical prep. I am trying to stay calm.
This is suppose to be an outpatient surgery and i suppose to take about an hour. I pray that all goes well.

September 3rd,2010

I'm up early (around 4 AM) as stress and anxiety are churning inside of me. What will today bring? Will my blood be thick enough? Will I have surgery today? Will everything go okay? Will I come back home tonight or will I end up spending the weekend in the hospital?

The doctors have said that my problem is very serious, they need to get rid of the infection and the only way to get that done permanently is to remove the parts affected by the infection. I am not feeling ill right now and I wonder if everything they plan to do will open up another can of worms for me. It has been one problem right after another. I wonder when it will all stop so that I can recover and get on with my life. I need to be counting my blessings. It reminds me of the song, "Count your Blessings" I need to be singing that one all day today and just let Heavenly Father and Jesus handle the rest of the day.

September 2,2010 - One Hard Day

Brian and I were up early today so that we could be at the hospital by 7:15 to get a INR test done before 8, which was the time we were to leave for Abbott- North-Western Hospital for my surgery at 10 AM.
It turned out that even after holding my Warfarin last night that my blood did not thicken any so it was still too thin for surgery. So it was canceled again today. I spoke with Dr. Oken's nurse and she was upset with them down in the Cities as there are things they can do to thicken the blood but they would not hear of it. She finally got to talk with the Dr who will be doing the surgery and he explained why they would not touch me until my blood has sufficiently thickened. It so happens that the abscess is sitting tight up against a main artery in the pelvic region. The slightest error can nick that artery and I could bleed out before they would be able to get in and repair the damage.
When we heard that we both decided that pushing to get the surgery done was not a good idea. It is going to be a very delicate operation because of its location and they and I do not need to deal with any more nightmares than we already have to deal with so we wait some more. Jeannie asked what she could do from this end to help. It was decided by my primary doctor that I should receive two units of plasma followed by another INR test. SO I ended up in the chemo chair again today and they began to give me the two units of plasma.
The first unit went well but 10 minutes into the second unit I started to itch, not long after that and my throat started to swell. I was having a reaction. Then the uncontrollable trembling started . Jeannie and Jan quickly stopped the plasma and started treating me for an allergic reaction. An injection of Benadryl stopped the itching, followed by an injection of a steroid which stopped the swelling in the throat. They covered me with three warm blankets from the warmer and I warmed up after that. Benadryl wipes me out and so I took a long nap while they continued to monitor me. My blood pressure came back down to normal and my oxygen levels went back up. Once I was stabilized and alert they gave me a Vitamin K shot. Jeannie talked with the pathologist and he said that I should not have had a reaction to the plasma and suggested that after I was stable they should try me on another unit of plasma. Jeannie talked with my primary doctor and she and Dr. Strei agreed that it would just be safer to give me a Vitamin K shot. The whole experience left both the nurses, the doctor and I wanting not to go through that again. So I got a shot of Vitamin K, took another nap and got my INR rechecked. It was at 1.5 by the time I left at three this afternoon. The dr. doing the surgery in the cities wants me to be at 1.4 or lower so I'll hold the Warfarin tonight and return to the hospital at 7:30AM for another INR check. If it is still too high I'll likely get another Vitamin K shot and go to the cities for surgery in the afternoon. The plan is to get me into and out of surgery as quickly and as safe as possible.

I need lots of prayers for the surgeon and medical staff that will be treating me. Prayers for wisdom, guidance, clear minds and steady hands for them and for peace and calm for me. I trust the Lord with all my heart but I find that I am not as trusting of people. I recognize that they are human and as such can and do make mistakes. That is why I need the Lord to intervene on my behalf. With Him by all of our sides, I know all will be well.

August 31st, 2010

The CT scan was done last night at five pm and by 8AM I received a call from the surgery scheduler. Dr. Finne and the Radiologist did not like what they saw. I will be going in for surgery tomorrow at 2PM. They are going to try to drain the abscess completely and will likely be putting in an additional drain through the abdomen. I find it hard to believe that I am so full of infection and yet my body shows no signs of fighting it off. No fever, no chills, aren't those signs that the body is fighting infection?
It makes me wonder if the chemotherapy took away all of my immune fighting abilities. Dr. Finne spoke with Dr. Oken to find out what his intentions are for me. It sounded like Dr. Oken was planning on doing more chemotherapy to make sure that I was in total remission. I was told in a blessing that I was given that the cancer is in remission and I believe it. I wonder if the problems that I am having now are not all caused from the chemo and rituxin. I have never had problems like this until I started getting treated with all these drugs. They are horrid and do a lot of damage to even the good cells. The bowel also get's hit hard by them. I had my troubles with the bowels during the treatments. Whatever the cause of my problems now, it is going to take a miracle to cure them or surgery to correct things.

August 30,2010 Update

Brian took me to see Dr. Finne today. He ordered another CT scan because things had changed ( abscess broke and drained). He said that I will require surgery to get rid of all the diseased tissues and infection.
He tentatively told the scheduler to fit me in in 3-4 weeks. I have not heard from her yet and wonder if Dr. Finne is waiting to see how things look before making that call. He explained the procedure and it is a very
serious operation that requires great skill. He told me that I could be looking at having to wear a colostomy from 6-12 months because of the location of the abscess. Once the bowels heal they would go back in and reconnect the remaining part of the colon to the rectal area. His greatest concern is that there might not be enough good tissue left in the rectal area to be able to reattach the colon. i REALLY DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT THAT! i WANT TO FOCUS ON THE FACT THAT GOD IS A GOD OF MIRACLES AND BLESSES LIVES EVERY DAY! (Sorry about the cap lock) Well maybe not- that is a good thing to emphasize. I'm going to pray that God will grant me a miracle of healing so that all goes well.

Dr.Carson

Yesterday I went up to the U of M for an appointment with Dr. Carson.
She is an OB/GYN doctor who specializes in Oncology and surgery. Dr. Oken felt like I needed to be seen by her since the fistula broke open and the pus started draining. That happened last Sunday morning and Dr. Finne was on vacation.
After Dr. Carson examined me and looked at the Pet and CT scans she felt that I needed to be seen by a colo-rectal surgeon and so I am going back to see Dr. Finne on Monday. Dr. Carson said that he needs to be the one in charge of this whole mess and that she would assist him in doing surgery to get things straightened out. So the ball is back in Dr. Finne's court.
Staying focused on the blessings, I have many.
I am not running a fever, nor do I have chills, the abscess found a way to drain out of my body rather than to further pollute it, the feeling in my fingers and toes is back and so I do not have permanent nerve damage from the Vincristine! I am not feeling sick or nauseated any more and some of my strength is coming back. I still have a hard time opening containers with small screw type lids but that is only a minor detail so I count myself as a winner.

Thank you so much for all your prayers and support! They have played a tremendous part in my healing and will continue to play a huge part in my recovery process.

I love you all!
Colletta

August 2010

The last week of July and pretty much the first three weeks of August has been a time of great physical challenge for me. I have had pain and felt sick but despite all that it has been a month of great blessings.

The first half of August we were blessed to have our oldest grandson, Jordan, with us in our home. He is a joy to be near and was a huge help to me while he was here. He mowed the lawn and helped with the chores. He is very knowledgeable about what is going on in the world and it was fun to listen to his thoughts about what is going on.
He amazes me!

Our son, Andrew and his wife, Kim were also here during the first half of August. It was a joy to see them and we enjoyed the fair together.
Kim and Andy helped clean out a flower bed that has become a disaster over the summer. It is great to have the weeds gone and to be able to enjoy the flowers again. I look forward to the fall blossoms.

This morning Jason, Kiley and our two grandson's,Jake and Nathan
left for Indiana. They arrived home last Friday for a visit with us and oh how we have enjoyed having them. The boys are growing so fast!
Jake is able to hold some wonderful conversations and Nathan is learning to talk. He has so much to say but even without being able to understand what he is talking about he wins you over completely with his smile and his personality. We love them both and will miss them all. Jason and Kiley, took over for me this past few days and have given me time to enjoy the boys.

I love my family with all my heart and any time I get to spend with them are treasured moments.

Friday with Dr. Finne

Brian took me down to my appointment with Dr. Finne in the Cities last Friday. He took a look at the Cat and Pet Scans and the letter that Dr. Oken sent to him and admitted that it was out of his field of expertise so he said that he would have to consult with a radiologist, another oncologist and Dr. Oken before moving forward. However, he wanted to throw me in the hospital on Friday and run another CT scan and a different test. Brian told him that we had family coming in from out of state this weekend and that we wanted to be able to visit with them. He said that because I had good color, and wasn't running any fever and was on antibiotics to curb the infection that he would allow me to come into the clinic on an outpatient basis to have the tests run. So on August 26th I am scheduled for more tests down in the cities. That being said He told me that i could end up coming down there sooner if the abscess should break as it could poison my insides and turn into a systemic infection.
Yesterday morning the abscess started draining through a fistula that grew between the abscess and the vaginal cuff. I woke Brian up around 7:30 and told him I needed to go to the hospital. He took me in and the on-call Dr. ordered blood work, and took some of the blood/pus mixture to culture. He located the fistula so that is no longer and educated guess but has become a fact. He told me that it will require surgery to fix the problems that I am having now and so I will be prepared to stay in the Cities when I go down next. Dr. Finne told me that it is not an easy surgery and it is not pleasant but that when it is done, things should get better. Now the question will be, do I wait for him to get back off of vacation next Friday or do I go down sooner and see whomever is filling in for him? I'll talk to Dr. Oken's nurse to see what she thinks I need to do.

The latest CT Scan

My heart is pounding within my chest this morning. I am not sure why.
Is it due to stress or is it due to what is going on in my body. The results of the CT scan came back quickly and the doctors are moving even more quickly. No waiting to see the Colo-Rectal surgeon. He was only going to be in the office briefly today but they got me in to see him. I meet with Dr. Finne this morning at 11:30.
The CT showed continued inflammatory changes in the pelvis with fat stranding in the pericolonic fat. There is 5.4 x 3.8cm heterogeneous fluid collection in the left hemipelvis lateral to the mid sigmoid colon which contains gas and a relatively thick wall. The radiologist said that it is consistent with an abscess. There are other changes noted as well that suggest to me that I am going to end up in surgery.
The scan was not all fraught with bad news however ans so I want to share the good news with you too!

The tumor- nothing left but a little bit of soft scar tissue! The enlarged lymph nodes in that area have shrunk. The largest one now measures 14mm .
My heart is in good shape. The liver and spleen are normal in size and texture. There are no focal liver or splenic lesions. There are no pulmonary infiltrate or pleural effusion seen. There is no bowel obstruction. The adrenal glands, pancreas and kidneys appear unremarkable. That is all good news!

So, there is hope. Even if I have to have surgery to get rid of the rest of the problems that have developed this past three months, I hold onto the Lord's promise that in the resurrection I will be given a whole new body that will be made perfect.The Lord does not lie and so I can take comfort in His word and know that this time shall pass and my spirit will not be bound by an imperfect body.

A Visit with DR. Oken

Friday I saw the oncologist. Brian asked him point blank if I was in complete remission and he was very guarded about saying yes . The nurse then asked him how confident he was that it might be a complete remission and he said about 60-70%. He said that he was not completely sure that there are no lymphoma cells left in me. The inflammation in the bowel and the increased metabolic activity have him concerned. He wants me to be seen by a Colo-rectal specialist whom he has worked with in the past. He called him and spoke to him about my situation and the specialist agreed with the surgeon that I may not have to have surgery. The antibiotics may be all that I need. He agreed that the CT Scan should be done in two weeks and then we would go from there. So that is the plan. I'll stay on the antibiotics and have the CT Scan in two weeks. Here is hoping and praying that all will be well!

A Visit with the Surgeon

Last Monday the Chemo nurse sent me over to visit with the surgeon as I was still having pain. He read the Radiologists report on the PET scan
and told me that I was more than likely fighting an infection. He put me on a months worth of two very strong antibiotics and ordered a CT scan in two weeks. He told me that if I was dealing with an infection all those inflammatory conditions would likely go away and that my body would heal. He also told me that I may have to have surgery to remove a portion of the colon but that we would wait to see how my body responded to the antibiotics first. All of the inflammation could be the cause of the added metabolic activity in the area. So I am on antibiotics for now, but no chemo drugs!

The Results of the PET Scan

The Radiologist sent back the report stating that "there was significant improvement in the retroperitoneal,mesenteric and retrocrural lymphaddenopathy from the last CT scan of 3-11-10. The nodes currently do not demonstrate increased metabolic activity." That was good news because that means there are no active cancer cells left in the lymph nodes.
The other side of the news was not so good. It showed inflammation in the pelvic region with an area of encapsulated fluid in the posterior cul-de-sac and inflammatory changes in the pelvic fat. Her suspicion is that it was due to a "walled- off perforation related to diverticulitis".
She said that there was also an ovoid mass in the left side that also demonstrated increased metabolic activity and had increased in size since the previous CT scan. She suggested further testing.

The PET Scan

For those of you that have never had a PET scan, a little bit of information. With a PET Scan you are given an injection of radio active glucose and then wait for about 45 minutes while it circulates throughout your body. I was told that Cancer cells uptake the glucose 10 times faster than normal cells and so that increased metabolism of sugar by cancer cells will show up on the film. Technology is fascinating and I am so glad to live in a time where we are advanced enough so it no longer requires exploratory surgery to determine what is going on inside of us ! I was sent into a small donut -like tube and had over 2,000 pictures taken from my knees to my eyebrow level. It wasn't long and the test was done. Now all I had to do was to wait and see what the Radiologist would say. More sleep, more rest, less pain, but no energy to do anything. I was completely drained!

One Step at aTime

This past month has been perhaps the roughest month of the last eight as far as my physical health goes. Just after my last round of Rituxin and then Chemotherapy I started having a lot of lower bowel pain. I started with the nausea and vomiting not quite a week later. The pain in the lower bowel increased. I had an episode of extreme dizziness and almost passed out while in the bathroom. I lowered myself to the floor figuring that if I was going to hit the concrete I'd be safer getting as close to it as I could get. I managed to get onto my hands and knees and kept my eyes closed and started to crawl for the recliner in the living room. As I crawled I prayed that someone would find me and help me. A knock came on the door at the very moment I asked! It was the Fed- Ex man and he had a package for us. I yelled out for his help and he came in. He called 911 and then stayed with me until the ambulance got here. The dizziness went away as I was sitting in the recliner. I was taken to the hospital and tests were run. My oxygen level was low and the carbon dioxide levels were high but other than that every thing seemed to be okay. Except I still had pain in the pelvic region. It was determined that maybe I was dehydrated and so they pumped me full of fluids. The next day I went to see my family doctor as the pain was still there and I was feeling much worse.
More tests and everything still seemed okay. It was determined that maybe I still needed more water so I was sent back over to the hospital and given a huge bag of fluids. When that failed to relieve the pain I was handed a couple of enema's and told that perhaps I was constipated from all the medications I was taking. I tried one but no relief came. It wasn't the problem. I decided to just deal with the pain until the following Monday, when I was scheduled for my PET scan.
Perhaps that would show what was going on. I got my Pet Scan om July 26th and the waiting began. By this time I was getting relief from the pain by taking extra strength Tylenol and sleeping it off.

Mixed Bag of News

The good news is that the lymphoma and bone marrow cancer are in REMISSION! The bad news is that there is a possibility of colon and ovarian cancer. I go in for more blood work today to find out if either of those two conditions are showing up in the blood. On Thursday I will talk to the oncologist and he will determine where and what we do from that point. Keep me in your prayers.
Love,
Colletta

Hard Week

I haven't been feeling well this week. Wednesday morning I ended up taking an ambulance ride to the hospital. Between bouts of nausea and losing the contents I ran low on O2. My world wouldn't stop spinning. I figured that if I might pass out it would be best to be as close to the floor as possible so I said a prayer and slid off the toilet. At the same time a knock came at the front door. It was the Fed Ex man making a delivery to the house. I yelled for his help and he was gracious enough to call 911 while I crawled to the recliner with my eyes shut. I called Brian and told him where I was going and he took off work and came home. Yesterday, he took some paid time off as I still wasn't feeling good and I had started to run a fever. After more tests it was determined that I was very dehydrated and so I spent two hours in the chemo chair being given fluids. With the help of more drugs, I am fighting these side effects and hope to be better by tomorrow.

I have not felt good enough to answer e-mails so if you have recently sent me one please don't get miffed at me for not replying right away. I will get it done soon, I hope!

False Hopes?

Today was my eighth round of chemotherapy. I wanted to try to stay positive so I took in a big ,beautiful bouquet of flowers from my flower gardens. I also took in a whole bunch of extra donuts that I had left from making donuts for Steve as he traveled home to Ohio. I told the ladies that I wanted to celebrate with them as this was my last round of chemotherapy. I pray with all my heart that this cancer is in remission
but the feelings that I have within me tell me another story. Is it false hope or lack of faith? I need to get a blessing.
On the 26 I go in for a PET scan. It will tell me weather or not i have any sign of cancer in my body. I don't know if it will tell me about the cancer in my bones so I may still have to have the bone marrow biopsies.
I am afraid to hope for fear that I will be crushed if the cancer is not in remission. The nurse told me to take one day at a time. So for today, I made it through the chemotherapy and I am home in the air conditioning. They do not want me to be out in the heat and humidity as my body is already dealing with the chemo drugs. I am to stay out of the sun and stay in where it is cool. The fact that I have been asked to give a talk next Sunday will help me to do just that.

Round 4 of Rituxan

My blood work was okay today and so I received the fourth round of Rituxan along with Zantac, Benadryl, and Tylenol. It took 4-1/2 hours but I slept through most of it.
Tomorrow will be my eighth round of chemo. I will find out when I am to come in for my next CT scan.
I am afraid to hope that this cancer is gone. If I get my hopes up to high and it is still here I'd be crushed and so I have to just leave it in God's hands and accept whatever comes. I am going to pray for a miracle- Prayer and Miracles I know happen every day.

The Week In Review

This week has been a busy one.
Monday i had my one year review at the Pleasant View house in town.
It was also my blood check day. I took care of those two items in the morning. In the afternoon, I spent three hours picking Raspberries .

Tuesday, I worked on the yard before it rained again. It seems like lately I have to mow between rain storms. I also waited for Steve to get here. He was driving in from Ohio and stopped in Madison, WI to visit with Melinda. I am glad that they had the chance to visit each other.

Thursday, I had an appointment with the banker, that went so so.
I also had care conferences for my father and those went pretty good.

Then I came home and tried to rest .

Tonight I came home from the branch camp out. It wasn't very well attended so all I am tired and fighting sleep.

Will write mor at A latter time.

Almost asllep1

Relay for Life Event 2010

Friday was the beginning of the Relay for Life event in Meeker County.
I was encouraged to attend so that I could not only be recognized for my fight with cancer but also to be uplifted by the number of people who have fought cancer and have lived many years to tell about it. Some of them have survived cancer for as much as 50 years!

This annual event seems to be plagued by stormy weather but it went on anyway and when it came time for the walk/ relay the skies had cleared, the luminaries were lit and the program went on. The survivors were given their recognition and each of us were given a balloon to carry with us around the track. When all the survivors had returned a count down was given and we released our balloons. On my first round around the track some one, I think from the newspaper, took a picture of me and another lady who have been fighting cancer this past year. I will have to look in the paper next week to see if it is there- vanity thing more than anything else but still a part of this fight and my life to this point.
The night was hot and humid but I managed to walk a mile. Brian walked another mile for me and I haven't a clue how many laps my sisters walked for me. A special relay team, with some very dear co-workers on it was there to take a stand that night. The team name was " All Night For the Fight". They handed out beads to people as they would pass by from making a lap. On the fourth lap you received a clear bead, marking a mile. Their love and support helped me to keep going that night. How blessed I am to have such good friends!
I also was blessed by a lone, special, luminary bag, with my name on it, and placed along with the other special luminaries on the outside of the track. I am not sure who made the bag in my honor but I think I know who it was. Regardless of who it was, I want to thank them for their love and encouragement also!
The rest of the night was filled with music, bingo, drawings, a prayer service and of course food booths and team booths. The event raised a fair some of money that night and also the next morning, as they were going to serve a community breakfast. I did not make it to all the events or to visit all the booths because I got wore out but never the less I enjoyed my time there. Next year I am going to buy some luminary bags to decorate for my mother. May her memory never be forgotten. I love you Mom!

A Day at Home

After spending the last three days at the hospital it is good to spend a day at home. The trip to the ER on Sunday proved to be a good thing in more ways than one. First because I found out that I did not have a heart attack or heart damage from the chemo drugs. I did not have any more blood clots either. I learned that I am trying to do too much and that I have to be more patient for my body to recover. I have to back off on the throttle and realize that even though I may feel good my body is working very hard to fight this cancer This is a very hard task for me as I have always been a hard worker. That is something that i have brought with me from my childhood and it has been a part of my life for 50 years.

Monday was the day for Rituxan therapy and along with that came the Benadryl and the Zantac. They have backed off on the Benadryl to 25 mg as it knocks me out for two days and drops my heart rate down to 50-54 bpm. I think this routine is actually harder on me than the chemotherapy. I have been more side effects since being on the Rituxan and have not felt as well.

I had my Chemotherapy yesterday and it went well. It was hot and humid yesterday and so Beatrice came home with me to help me put in the air conditioner. Boy what a relief that has been.
The oncology nurse took a look at my lab work and suggested that I get more fluids, I agreed, and so I waited until fluids in the last bag finished. It was a saline solution so it helped to raise my sodium levels which were low. My protein levels were low in my blood and so I need to get more protein in my diet as well. Maybe that is why I feel so hungry all the time. I just want to eat and eat and eat. This diet thing is a real challenge but I am learning. It reminds me of fine tuning a car to purr like a kitten. I wish my body came with an owner's manual with a trouble shooting guide- oh wait- I have one it is called "The Word of Wisdom"! It calls for more meat when you have excess of hunger. It calls for whole grains and fruits and vegetables and herbs.
I just need to have a dip stick to tell me how much I need but I guess that is covered in my blood work, maybe its not as good as a dip stick but at least I can see what direction I need to go. Perhaps that is my very own Liahona! Heavenly Father sure takes very good care of me and provides me with the very best. How richly blessed I am to have the Gospel in my life and to know that I have a Heavenly Father and an older brother ( Jesus) who care for me so much to give me the very best. It reminds me of some scriptures in the Sermon on the Mount.
The first is in Matthew 6; verses 25-33 and the second one is in Matthew 7 ; verses 6-11. Yep, they truly love and care for me and each of us if we invite them into our lives. Until you invite them you can never know such joy and of their great love and care for us. Hold onto Their love and promises and They will walk you through the darkest hours of your life of this I can testify.

A Visit to the Emergency Room

This morning as I was standing in the kitchen doing up the dishes I got a stabbing pain in the right lower jaw. It kind of surprised me because I do not have any cavities, that I am aware of, but a short while later, probably less than five minutes later, I got a gripping pain in my chest that radiated into my back. I went to lay down but the pain intensified and so I told Brian that I needed to go to the hospital. I was concerned that I might be having more blood clot issues/ heart attack problems . I could have easily talked myself out of going but my past experiences told me that that would be foolish and I should not ignore this. I got to the ER and they ran all kinds of tests and drew blood for examining. To make a long story short, I did not have a heart attack and there were no signs of a pulmonary embolism . The Dr. thought that perhaps I may have over exerted my muscles in my chest wall/ ribs and that they (my muscles) were not happy with me.
My blood work looked pretty normal for me right now. Low White counts, low number of Neutrophils, Low number of Lymphocytes, low Sodium, Low Anion Gap, low total protein. The only thing that was high was my glucose level. Some of the meds that I am currently taking will elevate that number. I had an A1-c completed last month and it shows my glucose levels to be okay so that reading does not really concern me at this point.
The pain has subsided and does not bother me as long as I just rest so rest I will. Tomorrow starts another round of Rituxin followed on Tuesday by my 7th round of Chemotherapy. This is getting old and I am tired of all the drama it has created in my life. I pray that round 8 will be the knock- out round and that this cancer will be in total remission.

Doing Great!

I'm not sure what it was that hit me yesterday but I am doing great today!
This morning, after doing the chores I headed out to the garden for more weeding. I weeded out all of the weeds from around the squash and the cucumbers only to find out that some of the Asparagus, that I planted last year, finally came up this year. It will be fine though as by this time next year it will be ready to harvest.

After the garden I went to work on mowing around spaces that I can't reach with the riding mower. I watered the grass seed that I planted and by the time I was done, I was ready for a break. I came in and had a snack ( Cantaloupe and water) and fell asleep afterward. Two hours later and I'm feeling pretty good again. My work is done for the day though. If I try to do any more I'm going to be all done in tomorrow.

I'll fix supper for tonight and then it will be time to enjoy the rest of the day.

Sick

Haven't felt good all day. I woke up at 1:30 this morning from being so nauseated. Loose stools followed. Not sure what is going on. The flu- maybe. Ate something that didn't agree with me- possibly. Other troubles? Who knows, if I don't feel better by morning I'll go see the Doctor. Not sure if they can figure it out either. This too shall pass!

Update as of June 12, 2010

It has been a week of ups and downs. At this point in time, that is the new normal for me. The good part is that I am still kicking around. I'm tired and I wear out real easy but That was to be expected. With the help of strong antibiotics , I was able to get over the bladder infection .
I never thought that I would say Thank Heaven for medications and medical advancements but as I woke up this morning, I found myself very grateful for the medical care and advancements that have been made in the medical field within the past twenty to twenty- five years.

I found out yesterday that my youngest sister, Beatrice, has been working on ways in which she can help me to cope with the costs of this treatments. We have good insurance but there are still costs associated with getting them. There isn't enough finances to go around without me working and so I have to do a juggling act to keep our heads above water. Sometimes it can be a real chore. Anyway,
Beatrice went in search of help and came back and told me that she has arranged for a fund raiser through the local Burger King in Litchfield. It is going to be held on July 8th from 4-8 PM. Of the funds that are collected, I will be given 20%. On Thursday, I found out that each one of these Rituxan treatments costs $11,000! I have many Rituxan treatments ahead of me and all I can say is that I am very thankful that we have good insurance!

Medications and Crazy Dreams

Since having Rituxan added to my chemotherapy regimen, I have been having these sometimes funny sometimes not so funny dreams. I am not sure if it is from the Rituxan or from the Zantac and/or the Benadryl that they give me with it to prevent side- effects but something is definitely causing these dreams.
The ones that have been frightening are the ones that really bother me.
I'll be sleeping and I'll hear the phone ring or the outside door open and someone coming into the house unannounced . One night I tried to yell out for help from Brian but I was having a terrible time getting the words to come out. I was so scared and panic stricken and my heart was racing like crazy. I finally managed to get the words out and it woke up Brian. He rolled over and asked me what was wrong and when he asked me that question I woke up. All was okay, there was no one in the house and the phone had not rung on the other night but it sure destroyed a good nights sleep. I couldn't get back to bed after that and my tail was dragging by morning.
Some of the funnier dreams involve Brian. In both cases he has been the counter top in the kitchen!
In the first dream, I was preparing a meal for guests. I was laying out the cheese, meat and crackers on the counter top ( his chest) when Brian awoke and asked me if everything was okay. It woke me up and all I could do was laugh. I told him about the dream and he had a good laugh too.
Last night I had another dream about working in the kitchen. This time there was some one in the kitchen with me but I don't remember who they were. I think it may have been either Jordan or Melia, anyway, I had just finished preparing a pie and I was cleaning the flour from the counter ( Brian's back) and scrubbing it down. What woke me up is when Brian told me I was hired. Apparently he had been enjoying a nice back rub!
I told him that he better hope that I don't start chopping onions next!
I think bread baking and meat tenderizing might not feel so good either!
I see my oncology nurse today and one of the doctors tomorrow- we seriously need to have a chat about what is going on!

On the Mend

I'm on the road to recovery from the bladder infection! Dr. Strei gave me a real strong antibiotic so it is knocking it out quickly. The pain is gone and I have been able to function again today. I've had to stay out of the sun as the medication can make me burn easily but I only have two or three pills left and then I'll be done with it. It has been raining off and on today so it has been a good day to be inside.
Brian helped me get the Asparagus plants planted in the garden early this morning before the rain started in so they are in the ground. Digging in the dirt really wears me out so his help was much appreciated. He also helped me with the chores this morning and for that I am grateful as well. Now it is my turn to get in and get some things done in this house so that it is in order for Sunday!

Low Counts = Infection

Late yesterday afternoon, I started to have an abnormal pain in the lower abdomen. I went in to see the doctor and they ran some tests to find out what was going on. Come to find out, I have developed a bladder infection. I have never had one before so but now I know what they are so if I ever get another one I'll spot it right off. The good news is that I caught it early. The bad news is that the medication they have given me fights with the chemo drugs. I spoke with the Oncology nurse and she told me that I still have to take the chemo drugs and will have to make adjustments as needed. I'm stressed out,
I hate having to be on all these drugs. I don't know which ones fight with which any more and i am starting to see some real problems.
I want to quit all of these drugs but I know I can't not quite yet, It is like being a month away from graduation and then dropping out of school. I just need to keep going and trust in the Lord to watch over and protect me.

Feeling Better

I"m feeling better today. This last round of Rituxin and Chemotherapy
made me ache and feel very tired. I got a good nights sleep last night and so that has really given me a boost today. I still managed to get quite a bit accomplished yesterday despite how tired I was. I worked in the morning and rested in the afternoon.

Round 6 Chemotherapy

I slept most of the day yesterday and although I was very tired last night I did not sleep well. The Rituxan made me very hot and sweaty and my legs ached. I woke up several times because of nightmares.
Needless to say, I was very tired today but i went in for the chemotherapy anyway. I have taken it easy today as I have had the normal headache. Extra strength Tylenol doesn't seem to faze it. I took a walk in the cool night air tonight with Brian in hopes that that might help but it didn't work either. I ate supper earlier and that didn't help either so I'm hoping that a good night sleep might be the answer. I sure hope it is.

Round 2 of Rituxan

Received the second round of Rituxan today. Took 4-1/2 hours. They decreased the amount of Benadryl they gave me as it really wipes me out. That being said, I still have slept most of the day. My white count has dropped to 2.8. Normal is 4.6-10.2. This means that I am at greater risk for infections. My resistance is low. Good hand washing, nutritious food, lots of liquids, and plenty of sleep are necessary. So far, I am doing real well. I did not get the cold that Brian and my sister had. I know that this is from prayers being answered. I go in for chemotherapy tomorrow morning.

Work Release!

Yesterday I received a work release from the doctors allowing me to go back to work for no more than four hours at a time. This gave me an opportunity to see whether or not I could handle working part-time hours. I asked my supervisor if I could try working last night and she said that I could do so anytime I wanted. I went to work last night and was greeted with many warm hugs and smiles from the ladies and the staff. It is a great blessing to feel so much love and so welcomed in the work place. Work went well last night. I was tired after the four hours but I am not feeling wiped out this morning so that is a good sign. There was another 4-8 staff working last night so I didn't do a full load of work but I believe I will try it again and take on more of the tasks to see how it goes. I'm just glad to be back to work.

Another round of Rituxan and Chemo starts on Monday.

Round 5; 2nd week update

It has been a tough week. Bowels have been inflamed and hurting. Movement makes them hurt more. Been very tired and sleeping a lot more. Despite that I have managed to get the laundry done, my house cleaned, my Iris bed cleaned and part of my garden planted. I also visited with my Dad and took my sisters shopping so all has not gone undone.
Today is cloudy and not as hot as it has been so I might try going out and finishing up in the garden- or I might just go take a good long nap.
I've only been up two hours but am ready for a nap.

Round 5; second week update

Things are going great! I am feeling good. I worked in my flower garden this morning and cleared away the weeds from the Iris, which are starting to bloom. I also went in to get my blood work done and with the exception of the blood being too thin again everything looked pretty normal. No complaints there though, I just had myself a nice serving of coleslaw! That should thicken the blood right up!

Round 5; Day Two

I think today went pretty good. I didn't get my headache until this evening, usually I get it during chemotherapy. My nurse was kind of concerned because my heart rate dropped to 54bpm but I told her that when I get tired it does go low. My normal heart rate is around 64 bpm.
Chemotherapy always makes me tired and so when Molly brought me home the first place I went was to bed. Other than the headache I'm feeling a little tired tonight but I am not in any other pain. I get premeds for nausea so I am okay there and I have medications to fight off diarrhea should that develop. I can take acetaminophen for the headache so I won't have to deal with that much longer either.
All in all, I'm doing well.

Round One of Rituxan

Yesterday I got my first round of Rituxan. I was given premeds ( Tylenol and Benadryl) to combat the side effects and slept through most of the therapy. My vital signs were checked frequently to make sure I wasn't crashing. To make a long story short- it went well and instead of it taking eight hours I was able to complete the therapy in five hours. Today I go in for round five of chemotherapy. They are lowering the dose of Vincristine and have adjusted the prednisone so that I come off of it slower. It should not take as long today as it has in the past. I'll update later on how things have gone today.

Another Visit with Dr. Oken

Yesterday started out with everything good and continued to get better throughout the day! I had another follow-up visit with Dr. Oken at 5PM. He was running behind schedule but that turned out to be a good thing because Brian was able to make it to the appointment. Dr. Oken came in all smiles and told me that my cancer is going into remission!
The tumor has shrunk by 50% and so on Monday I will start with my first round of Rituxan. I will go through four more cycles of Chemo therapy, each coming after a round of Rituxan, and then I will have some more tests done. Dr. Oken feels that I will be in complete remission after that but I will still follow up with Rituxan in four cycles of four infusions over the next two years. I am not out of the woods yet but I can see a bright light coming through the trees and so I'll keep walking forward with the hope that one day I will be in the clear.

Queen for a Day

Many years ago there was a T.V. show called Queen for a Day. People would go onto that show in hopes that they would be selected to be showered with gifts that would improve their lives or the lives of their families. It was a great honor to be chosen as Queen for the Day.
Yesterday was my day to be chosen and pampered! There were three of us ladies, who are currently battling cancer, who were able to make it for the occasion.
We met at the AmericaInn on the East end of Litchfield. Our white limo arrived promptly at 10AM and rolled out the red carpet for us. From there we were escorted to the limo by the driver. As this was my first time in a limo, it was quite the experience! This limo was 34 ft. long! It was plush inside and very comfortable. It left me with one question in mind though and that is how a bride manages to get in and out of one of them without ripping here dress off! There is a hump that runs down the middle of the limo where the drive shaft runs. The seats are located on either side of this hump. In order to get out of the door we had to cross over this hump and the best way to do it was to slide out of the seat and then brace one leg on the seat while stepping out of the limo with the other leg. Boy am I glad that I didn't where a dress or skirt yesterday as I don't think there would have been a graceful way to maneuver around the hump. I'm not complaining , just making note of the lay out of the limo!
Once we were all inside the limo we left for the beauty salon. I was happy to see that we were going to the same salon where I originally went to get my hair cut. The ladies were excited to see me and I was equally excited to see them. I showed them how much my hair has grown in the past two months and they were delighted to be able to help me get it trimmed up and looking nice. Once we were all "dolled"
up we returned to the limo, again on the red carpet, for more pictures and our ride out to Peters on Lake Ripley. When we got to the restaurant we were greeted and set up to a fancy table setting and told that we could order anything on the menu. I had Coconut Shrimp! HMMMM, that was so good! I don't think I have ever tasted that before. It was served with this wonderful pineapple sauce, a baked potato and a bread stick. We all had a wonderful time and enjoyed visiting with each other. After dinner, we returned to the limo and headed towards the East side of town. We were told that we had a couple of more stops to make. We stopped at Kleman's Floral and were each given a beautiful bouquet of flowers. From there we traveled to East Fifth street and back down to Sibley Ave, where we stopped off at Pizza Ranch to pick up some pizza's for each of us to take home for supper. I still have mine in the refrigerator and we will enjoy them tonight. Our last stop was to return to the hotel. When we got there, we were informed that there was one more surprise. Each of us was given a gift bag filled with gifts from various merchants around town. We took more pictures and gave each other hugs. We shared our addresses and phone numbers with each other and were told that there will be another gathering for us throughout the summer. It is a great blessing to know that there are so many supportive people in this community. This whole day was given to us because of the efforts of one very special lady, who revived the Queen for a Day theme for those of us with cancer. Her name is Donna Hansen. It is my humble prayer that the Lord will bless her abundantly for all her efforts and her goodness.

Good News!

I had another CT scan today and the test results came back and showed a drastic improvement in the size of my tumor and other related nodes in the chest and abdominal cavity. I see Dr, Oken on Thursday and 5PM and he will let me know what the next step will be. Until then I am feeling fairly decent. I can not do strenuous work because although I am strong enough it takes any energy reserves I have right to the bottom. That fencing project really took it out of me although while I was doing it I felt great. I just didn't have any energy until Thursday.
No more fencing! I don't think I'll put in a garden this year. They take a great deal of time and energy. Maybe Brian would like to learn about gardening this year. I know he loves the produce out of it!

Desire, Strength, and Determination

There is a fourth member of this team, it is called endurance. On Monday, when my sister and I tackled the fencing, we kept going until we were done. It took us roughly four hours to move the fence line out.
I was glad to have her help as it can be quite a challenge to move the fences by yourself. The fence post driver is heavy and so I can not lift it high enough to place it on the fence post without bringing the fence post down to a level that I can reach. While Beatrice held the fence, I was able to do what I needed to do to drive the post into the ground. The process went real well. However, I paid the consequences of it yesterday when I tried to get the chores done and start work on my list. I found that I had little energy left, my endurance was gone and so I spent most of yesterday recuperating from Monday's expenditure of energy.
The lesson here is to find balance between desire, determination and endurance. My mind is willing but my body is not able to do all that I once did. The goal is to let my body get enough work to keep it strong and enough rest to keep it healthy so that hopefully one day, I will have the endurance I need to carry me through a days worth of work.

Round 4; Week Two

I have done really well this week and have accomplished quite a bit, all things considered. Today Beatrice and I doubled the size of the goose and chicken pen. The soil was perfect to work with so the fence posts were able to come out of the ground fairly easy. We reused all but one of them.
I am very tired tonight and struggling to stay awake but there was one more thing I wanted to tell you.

I was nominated and chosen to be a participant in the "Queen for a Day" program. I get to ride in a limousine, go to a beauty salon ,and get either my nails manicured or my hair fixed. Then we go to Lunch out a Peter's on Lake Ripley. I'm not sure all what else we will be doing but I have to figure out what to wear! This will be a first for me.

I must close, I can't stay awke.

Have a good evening!

Taking It Slow and Easy

Lawn mowing went well yesterday! I didn't have to mow the whole yard but only a couple of areas where the grass was getting long. I used the riding mower and just took it slow and easy.

Afterward, I came in and was going to take a nap but ended up sleeping the night away. I briefly woke up when Brian got home from work but laid back down and fell asleep. I woke up again around 9:30 and had some toast with my evening meds and went back to bed around 11. I slept pretty good the rest of the night.

I got my laundry done up before noon yesterday so today I am going to just take it easy!

Round 4; Week 1 Labs

My lab work came back looking real good today! They will drop from here over the next two weeks. I will be having my CT scan on May 3rd.
That would be my normal chemo day but Dr. Oken wants to see just how much this tumor has responded to the full four rounds of chemo that I have already had. I know that it is responding as people have told me that I look like I am losing weight and the scale denies it. My weight is actually pretty stable.
I am off the Prednisone for this round and am having the same withdrawal symptoms as before, they're not as bad though. After a nice nap and some medicine to combat nausea, I am feeling pretty good this afternoon!

I think I might try mowing the grass. Not sure how it will go but if I don't try I won't know!

Round 4; Day 5

I have been physically exhausted today and have spent much time sleeping the day away and resting. I took a lot of breaks yesterday while cleaning up the lawn but I think I over did it. Both Beatrice and I woke up with sore throats this morning and itchy eyes. We both thought we might be coming down with the cold that everyone else has had but by this afternoon we both were feeling better. We have agreed that it was probably a combination from all the dust, wind and debris from that cotton wood tree that gave us an allergic type reaction. Anyway we have both recovered from that and Beatrice has had enough energy to get alot accomplished at home so I am glad for her. Maybe I will have enough steam built up by tomorrow so that I can be out with Brian as he tills up the garden. It is Stake Conference tomorrow and Sunday so He will have to get the work done in the morning. The Adult session is tomorrow night but I think I will probably stay home. I'd have to go all the way up to St. Cloud and I get tired just thinking about the hours away from home. I'll have to wait and see how much energy I have. Just have to take it one day at a time.

Unsung Hero's

These are the people that go about helping others without boasting, they work quietly among us and never ask for compensation. I have been blessed by many unsung hero's throughout this ordeal and as I have sat and watched them work and give it their all I wonder what I can ever do to repay them for all their kindness. I ask the Lord to pour out the richest blessings upon them.
Throughout this whole trial one of my sisters has been consistently by my side helping me wherever, however, and whenever she can. She has multiple needs herself and I wonder how I can best fulfill some of her needs. She has been out here helping me again since the thunderstorm scattered debris from a cottonwood all over the yard.
It has left a huge mess and we have worked the past two days to clear it. Tonight the lawn looks much better! I have put up with the messes from that tree for 24 years. Most years I have cleaned the mess up by myself but the last two or three Beatrice has been right by my side helping me. We both agree that that tree needs to come down. It is getting to be too much for the two of us to handle. We found the name of the outfit that removed some of the trees out of her yard a few years back and gave the owner a call. He will be out on Saturday to take a look at the monstrosity. I'm sure it won't be cheap to take it down and some how I'll have to try to save up to do so but that is one expense that I think will be well worth it as it literally hangs over our heads and the house.

New Hair Style!

This is why I will never wear spiked hair!

My Saturday Warrior's

Last Saturday eight youth and some of the adult leaders showed up for a service project.
I never really realized just how much work goes into taking care of this property until I had to stand back and watch everyone work. They helped me with the yard work so that I can mow the grass/weeds. I am so thankful that they made it out here on Saturday because we had thunderstorms last night and the grass/ weeds are going to take off.

My warriors were: Brother Chris Meyers and his three children, Hannah, Molly and C.J.,
Brother Thomas, Sister Richardson and her daughter, Miren, Issac Parrish, Robert and John Bustamante and Cassie( a girl that comes to youth activities on Wednesday nights).

After three hours of hard work, it was meal time. I gave the kids a choice of either pizza or sloppy joes and they chose the pizza. Sister Richardson and I went into town to pick up the supplies. We, the young women, one young man put together the pizza's and Sister Richardson and I baked them. We all enjoyed them. Afterward we all went outside to finish up the job. I think they were here from 10 until 2. They did a fantastic job and I am very proud of them.

It sounds like the Elders Quorum is going to be putting together a working party next.
They are planning on bringing in the big guns, the bobcat and chain saws to help remove the jungle of Sumac that is threatening to take over the property. I have been whacking away at that stuff by hand and with chemicals for several years to try to keep it at bay but because I can't risk the blisters and open wounds on my hands this year I can't touch that stuff.

I have been blessed abundantly! The Windows of Heaven have been opened!

Round 4 Begins

Today I drove myself to my appointment. That was a big accomplishment for me as I have been having to force myself to go to the chemo session. Today was different as I didn't need any one to make sure that I got there. It wasn't easy but I got there. I still hold out hope that one day there will be something different to treat this cancer with but for now the chemo seems to be working. My hope ran high this past week when some ladies gave me more information about diet ect. that supposedly was given out by John Hopkins. They have a wonderful cancer treatment facility so I thought I could trust the information. I went to their web site and found out that the information I was given was an e-mail hoax and Johns Hopkins posted their rebuttal. There is also another hoax that has been circulating since 2004 that they did not publish.That one is about the release of dioxins from plastic products when they are heated.Any one wishing to know more please go to http://hopkinskimmelcancercenter.org/index.cfm/cID/1684/mpa
The internet can be a wonderful tool to find information on but when people publish misleading or false information it sure can be a huge let down. My hopes were dashed to pieces as I read what they had to say.

God offers me hope that is true and never changes,He will never let me down and right now He is holding and supporting me.

Round three of chemo went real well! No sore bowels, no nausea, no loose stools, no sore mouth, no infections, just some tingling sensations in my finger tips. That is from the Vincritine, which causes neuropathy. Hopefully that will go away and not become permanent.

My lab work from today showed that my white blood count is continuing to drop. It is down to 3.6. When it reaches 1.5 I will have to start wearing a mask. The number of Neutrophils has also dropped. They are down to 2.8 and if they go down to 1.0 I will also have to wear a mask. RDW ( not sure what that is) is high. The nurse was going to print me out a paper explaining all of these tests but it didn't get done. I think I can find the translation of them at some of the Lymphoma sites and so I will try to pull that up before I go on with the rest of the results. I know that my glucose levels were high but that doesn't really concern me as I had just polished off a big breakfast before going to my appointment. The nurse said that if they start getting concerned about diabetes ( my mom developed her diabetes after her cancer treatments)they will have me do a fasting lab. One of the liver function (LD)tests was high and the platelet morphology was abnormal.

For now, I made it through the fourth dose of chemo and I have my usual headache but it isn't anything major. I didn't get dizzy or light-headed this time but I am definitely tired. A nap is in order. Next week, perhaps on Thursday, I will have another CT to find out how much more this tumor has shrunk. I will likely see Dr. Oken after that. If it has shrunk enough I may start on the Rituxan with the next round of chemo therapy. Here's hoping that everything goes as well as it did the last round. My blood isn't too thin so that is two times in a row now! I hope that trend continues too!

Consumption to Resumption

This past three and one half months have gone by quickly despite the highs and lows I have had with my health. This cancer diagnosis and all the tests that I have had to have were so overwhelming and then all the drugs that were being given to me just put me over the top. I was feeling consumed by the cancer.
The warm weather and the visit of my daughter and grandchildren has helped me to return to my normal self. Melinda helped me to plant flowers and Jordan and Melia helped me to clean up the messy lawn. The sunshine and the warmth have brought forth the Daffodils, the Tulips, the Hyacinths, the Bleeding Hearts, the Columbine, and the Iris'. I had lost my interest in gardening but it has returned and I have been spending a lot of time outdoors working in my flower beds. Yesterday I returned to my garden plot and started to clean it up. I uncovered the Strawberries and discovered that they survived the winter. We should have a good supply of them this spring. The Rhubarb is also up and doing well. The Raspberries are starting to send forth their leaves.The Thornless Blackberry that I planted last fall survived the winter so I am looking forward to having some of them this spring/ summer as well. My life has resumed and it feels good.

Lab Results for April 5, 2010

My white blood count was at 3.5 today. That is the lowest it has ever been but I have to say that I am still feeling well and have not come down with any infections. Brian has a cold though so I have to be very careful around him. The number of lymphocytes floating around in my blood is slightly low but otherwise everything looks good.
My blood has thickened up to where they want it to be so hopefully I can keep it there through diet and not have to adjust the warfarin again.
Monday, if I am still well, I will start round four of chemo. Then during the second week of round four I will have another CT scan to find out if the tumor has shrunk enough to add the Rituxan to the plan

Happy Easter!

It is good day! I have been blessed this past week by a visit from our daughter, Melinda and her two children, Jordan and Melia. It was wonderful to be able to have them in our home for four, blissful days. I felt good the entire week and was able to go with them to St. CLoud and also to spend an entire day outside! On Thursday, Jordan and Melia helped to clean up the lawn. I taught them how to back up the lawn tractor with the wagon behind it. Jordan did a fantastic job and gained the technique real quick. Melia enjoyed driving the tractor but didn't like to have to back up the wagon so she and Jordan took turns driving the tractor back and forth from the piles of leaves and branches to the dump off site.
Melinda helped with the cooking and the dishes so that I could spend more time with Jordan and Melia. That was a wonderful gift of time. I took advantage of spending time with our grandchildren. Brian took them out to Collinwood in the afternoon to go for a hike and to also allow them to have fun on the rip line but they were disappointed to find that the rip line had been removed and so had the upper play ground. It has all been turned into camp sites.
The week has gone by fast and despite the wind it has been beautiful!

Thank you for all your prayers. They are working! I am feeling strong and well!

Lab results for March 29th,2010

Most of the lab results came back good today. My Hemoglobin and the Hematocrit are low and I can feel it. They will continue to drop throughout this week until day 14 and then my body will start its rebound. My blood is still too thin and so the Warfarin had to be adjusted. Feeling light- headed and drowsy so will go to bed soon.

Daughter, Melinda and her two children, Jordan and Melia, are here with us for the week. I am enjoying their company and their help.We are having babies today! Stella, their Bearded Dragon has been laying eggs all day. Melinda set up an incubator for the eggs and we are hoping that they will hatch. I get to be a surrogate mom to the eggs and can't wait to see the babies coming forth out of their shells! Excitement all the way!

Reality 101

Cell death is painful in cancer treatment, at least it has been for me. After being up all Tuesday my evening got rough. The tumor was giving me sharp, stabbing pains in my abdomen. I could have used a couple of aspirin then to kill the pain but because of the Warfarin I can not take aspirin.Instead I took my evening medications, said a prayer and slipped into bed. Fortunately,I was tired enough and was able to fall asleep. The pain disappeared sometime during the night.

Wednesday Beatrice and Myron, my brother and sister, came out to help me. Beatrice did the dishes and made supper for us. Myron made me a mesh cage for burning papers that I do not want going into the dump.It is still too windy to burn but one of these days that job needs to get done.

I had a meeting at church last night and that went well. After my meeting I spoke with the Young Men's president about the possibility of a service project for the boys. I have this huge, old Cottonwood in my yard and every year it drops more branches on the yard. It is a very messy tree and I did not get all the mess cleaned up this past fall. My concern is that the grass will take off and bury all those branches which can wipe out the riding mower. That project requires more energy than I have to put into it and so I hope that the boys and maybe even some of the young women from the church will come up and lend me a hand with that job. Hopefully the nice weather will continue and it won't be a miserable day for completing the task. I have requested that they come during the week that I feel good enough to be up and around so that I can help or at least tell them where to drop off all the dead wood and leaves.

Today I spoke with my supervisor from Lutheran Social Services. They need an update on my condition so that they can extend my leave of absence. The surgeon, Dr. Peterson took me off the weight restrictions so that I could go back to work but I am not so sure that it is a wise idea for me to go back yet. I was really anxious to get back to work, when Dr. Peterson put me on those restrictions but now that I am having the chemotherapy I am finding that I am getting tired out quickly with activity and need to rest more often. The second week after chemo is the hardest as that is when I really get hammered by he side effects of the chemo drugs.

After speaking with the oncology nurse about it today, I think that it might be a good idea to hold off going back to work for a while longer. Dr. Oken told me that as the tumor shrinks I should get more energy but because it is shrinking so slowly there is no telling how many treatments it is going to take before that happens.

It's only 9:30 P.M and I'm already starting to nod off as I am sitting here so I need to close but not before I say thank you to Molly, Sue, Beatrice and Myron for all the help they have given me this week. Thank you for being here for me and thank you for all the time you have spent to make my life easier. I really do appreciate it and have asked the Lord's richest blessing for all of you.

Round 3 ;Day 2

Yesterday I started my third round of Chemo. It was still hard for me to get out of bed and go to it. I finally decided to get up and clean the barn and care for the animals. That helped to calm me and then I came inside to clean up. I had silently said a prayer that Sue would forget that she had offered to take me to my chemo treatment so that I could delay if not forget about my appointment but true to her word she called and asked what time I was suppose to be there. I called her back and set up a time for her to pick me up. She went with me and sat with me the whole time.
I marvel at her courage to do so as she has spent time in that room going through chemo as well. I wondered if it would bring back a flood of memories for her but she did real well.
My Chemo treatment went pretty well, I only got light headed once and got the normal headache from the cytoxan but they lowered my head and monitored my blood pressure until things got back to normal. I was able to get up on my own and walk to the car this time so it did not take as much out of me. When I got home I sat down in the recliner and fell asleep until Brian got home.

This morning Cindy and Marsha brought out some bedding for the geese and the chickens and some nice, plump dates for me. It felt good to have company and to see Marsha, whom I have not seen for a long time. She has had some rough times in her life and I have stayed with her and cared for her and her children for 3 weeks on two different occasions. We have grown close and I love and admire her.

The sun is up and shining brightly today and that has also added to me feeling good today. The geese and the chickens are roaming freely devouring every good morsel of whatever they find. It is a little bit of heaven here on earth today and I'm loving it. I am feeling good and have to be very careful not to overdo it or I'll be wiped out tomorrow. This next two weeks the chemo will be fighting the cancer and I need to rest and take it easy on my body. My blood counts will be there lowest in 13 days now and after that my body will try to repair itself for a week and then it will be another round of chemo. Between now and then I will have my blood checked every Monday and I will see Dr. Oken again. For now my blood counts look good and my blood, although still on the thin side is better than what it was. They have lowered my coumadin(Warfarin) levels and that has helped.

Just as a side note: I still have my hair! It has grown quite a bit and so I may have to think up a new hair style. I thought about spiked hair, dyed purple with pink tips! Maybe that is a little too dramatic!

ROY G BIV

No,There is not a new man in my life!

When I was in middle school one of my science teacher's gave us an acronym to help us remember the colors of the rainbow. It is strange how we can remember some things but this is one that I remember.

It is simply ROY G BIV

This morning I woke up at 2 AM and waited for an hour to fall back asleep but all I could think of was Roy G Biv, so I am going to share those thoughts with you.

What makes up my rainbow?

R. "R" is for Red it reminds me of the Lord. He is at the top of my rainbow. It reminds me of the blood He shed for me, that through faith, repentance, baptism and the Gift of the Holy Ghost I can return to His presence. I do not need to carry my burdens on my shoulders, He is there to help lift them,when I fall and to strengthen me when I am weak. He is my Rock, my Redeemer, my Refuge. And so much more!

O. "O" is for the Outstanding Medical team that the Lord has put in place to help me get through this process. They are only human and are subject to making errors like me or any one else on this planet and that is why we need to pray for them daily.I pray that the Lord will bless them with clear minds, wisdom,good judgment,steady hands and anything else they may need to help them do their jobs.

Y. "Y" reminds me of the color yellow. It is bright and cheerful. It reminds me of the sun, which gives me warmth and light and lifts my spirit whenever it comes out.It reminds me of my family and friends who watch over me and take such good care of me. They lift my spirit and help to sustain and support me when I am weak.My treatments are going so well and yet I am still so resistive to going to them. It is a battle which I know Heavenly Father knows I am fighting and so He has given me the support of friends and family to make sure that I get there. Lord, Bless them abundantly for all their prayers, love and support. I could not fight this battle without them.

G. "G" reminds me of the color green. It reminds me of the spring time, of life renewed by the warmth of the sun and the moisture of the rain. It gives me hope as I see things turn from the dark and drab of winter to the beauty of the spring. It reminds me that this time in my life shall pass also.

B. "B" is for all the Blessings that I have been given in my life. They are many!
My Testimony of Christ and the Gospel. The knowledge that God hears and answers our prayers. The blessings of family and friends. The blessings of living in a time when there is so much medical and technological advances that allow us to have the quality of life that we enjoy. For all of these blessings I am grateful.

I. "I" is for Independence. I try to be as independent as possible. Sometimes I am stubborn and resistive to change and that is not always good. But to be stubborn and independent when you are battling cancer can be a good thing too because it gives you the will to fight back. Cancer can make you strong or it can break you and make you feel resentful and drag you down. I battle with the changes in my life that I must make and I battle with feeling down at times. I have been told that it is okay and normal to feel down at times but I can not let it take over my life.

V. "V" is for Victory! Some battles are hard fought and take a long time to win. I hope to win this battle but even if I don't I am still promised Victory over death, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ. Cancer may win this battle but it has no claim upon my eternal life and I will be victorious!


Thank you for being a major part of my rainbow!

I'm Still Here

We have been having very nice weather this past week or so and today is no exception. It is warm (around 60) and sunny and I have been outside basking in the warmth.
Yesterday I swiped my sister and went for a drive to ST. Cloud. We had a wonderful time and I found some replacement parts for the cat scratcher. I hope that Fred will use it again instead of the furniture. I have felt pretty good this week and have been very thankful for the nice weather.
On Monday I start the chemo cycle all over again. I'm try hard not to think about it because it depresses me something awful and I get discouraged. There are tears almost every day and at times it is hard to pull myself together.The warm weather and sunshine beckon me to come outside and I am hoping that spring fever will hit me soon.

I have been working to clean my house and to get prepared for the next round of chemo.I am not looking forward to being sucked under by the chemo. It is the dark side of my life and it is cold and cruel.

For now I am going to go enjoy my freedom and my time away from cancer and chemo.

March 15,2010 Lab Results

For the most part my lab work came back looking good. My white counts are low and that was expected. I looked back at last months labs for this time and they are pretty much the same with some slight improvements this time around.
The one thing that did not come back okay was my protime. Normally blood clots in 9- 10.8 seconds. Today it took mine 43.6 seconds so that means that my blood is too thin. I was told to not take my Warfarin tonight and to go to the hospital if I start having any bleeding issues. I'm not to use a tooth brush and I am to avoid using sharp objects that could cut or puncture the skin. For tonight we will have a prepackaged dinner.

I am scheduled for my next round of CHemo next Monday.

I also had a follow-up appointment with the surgeon today. He has released me from my 20 pound weight restrictions so I'll be taking over the chores again. Brian is going to be one happy man to be done with the chores!

Bound by Friendship and Love

I first met Mary in the 7th grade. She had just lost her father and was in need of emotional support. I was just a new student to the Litchfield school district and I needed a good friend. It just so happened that we both went to the same church ( St. Gertrude's in Forest City) and we found each other. I had the strong shoulders for her to lean on and she had the open arms of acceptance and friendship that I needed. We became good friends and remained friends throughout high school and up until the time she left for college. Even then our friendship continued. In December of 1973 I moved to California to stay with and help my sister, Cecilia. Her husband had been sent to sea and she was left alone and expecting their first child. I met and married Brian while out in California. Mary met and married a man and lived in Willmar. Our lives went separate directions at that time. We each had children, both of us had our share of challenges and life has brought us together again. I ran across Mary at her brother's birthday celebration. I hardly recognized her. But we got reacquainted. We kind of separated again after that but it was only to be for a brief time. Life has all kinds of twists and turns and call it fate, call it the hand of God or call it what you will but once again circumstances have brought us together again. Mary found out from a relative of one of my brother-in-laws that I have cancer. She contacted my sister to get my phone number so she could call me. It turns out that Mary had her own battle with cancer.She has been cancer free for five years. Now it is my turn and Mary has come back into my life. This morning we met each other in town and had breakfast together. Mary is a very cheerful and positive person by nature and she is just what I need at this time in my life. How blessed my life has been to have a friend like Mary. It is great to have her back in my life and I welcome her with open arms. We have a lot to catch up on and I look forward to many more visits with her.

The Next Step

The CT scan is done and thanks to modern technology the doctor had the pictures to look at as soon as they were loaded from the machine. The good news is that the cancer is responding to the treatments, however it is responding very slowly and so it has made my chemo regimen lengthen out to as long as a year. That will then be followed by two more years of Rituxan. The doctor had been hopeful that the tumor would have shrunk enough to be able to start the Rituxan with my next round of CHemo but because it has not shrunk enough and because attacking tumors of that magnitude aggressively causes major problems that can be fatal it has been put on hold for another two rounds of chemo. After two more rounds I will go through another CT to check and see how much of the tumor is left.

Dr. Oken told us that as the tumor dies off and the size diminishes the after effects of the chemo will become less, however one of the side effects of chemo therapy is that is causes fatigue and that is one thing that does not go away. It has been suggested that I apply for long term disability through social security and I have been giving that some thought. Although this cancer may go into remission, and I hope that it will, it can come back and it can turn aggressive at any time. I think at this point in my life I need to look at this as an early retirement and just enjoy what time God may grant me to be here upon this earth. The thought of a motorcycle with a side car becomes more appealing as the gas prices go up and my desire to travel to see family, friends and the beautiful creations of God has increased. I may have to become a motorcycle mama /grandma!

Putting Things Into Perspective

I have been thinking about the CT scan that I will have this afternoon and what the outcome of it will be. As I have done so I realized that if I were to get unfavorable news that it would open me up for discouragement and depression and so I have been thinking of ways to put things in their proper perspective.

One way that I have visualized it it to take a piece of paper and fold it in half.
On the right side I would list all the things that I would normally be doing at this time of the year. Planning my garden, spring cleaning, channeling all the snow melt away from the buildings, service projects, genealogy and the list goes on. On the left side of the paper is the cancer. It is there but it doesn't consume the entire side of the paper. It involves the treatments , the tests and lots of rest. It is not the driving force in my life.

I then thought of these motorcycles with the side car. I am in the drivers seat. The cancer is in the side car. I point my life in the direction that I want to go and I go there. Sometimes the cancer may be sitting in the sidecar and hopefully sometimes it will choose to vacate the seat( go into remission).Until there is a cure for Follicular Lymphoma I may have to deal with that annoying occupant. It may slow me down and I'll have to take more time out from my journey but I cannot let it stop me from going forward. I am in the drivers seat and I will go forward.
Posted by Colletta at 7:20 AM

Rebound

Yesterdays labs looked good. My blood is on the thin side but it is better than having it clotted. I am still feeling weak and tired from last weeks round of chemo but I am feeling better this morning than yesterday so I know my body is rebounding. I'm not going to run , skip and jump today but I might try to do some little tasks or maybe I'll just kick back with a book or two and take in some reading time.
Rest is good!

This Week

Today I go in for blood/ lab work to check and see how everything is looking after last weeks round of chemo and the addition of Warfarin to my list of meds.
On Thursday I will have another CT scan to find out how well this tumor is responding to the treatments. If it has shrunk enough they will add Rituxan to my next round of chemo. I see Dr. Oken after the CT scan on Thursday and he will discuss further plans at that time. Brian will be going with me to that appointment as I get wiped out from the drugs they give me before the scan.

Tomorrow I am suppose to go talk with the physiologist again but I am finding that it wipes me out to be out and about each day. I may have to put that appointment on hold as I need to try to keep up my strength for Thursday.

My Flat Tire

A couple of posts ago I told you about how I discovered that I had a flat tire, after starting to read a book containing cancer survivor stories. That book gave me a lot of insights into my own life and made me realize that there are things that I need to change about my lifestyle.
Let me explain about my flat tire.

In the center of the tire is the rim. It is made of steel and gives strength and support to the tire. That rim is like my spirit. It makes up the core of who I am, it contains my beliefs and my value system. In me that is strong. I am a good person, not a perfect person but a good person. I have my imperfections which I need to work on and correct but I am trying to be a better person and Heavenly Father knows that.

On the outside of the rim is the tire. It protects the rim from damage, as long as it is well maintained. It needs to be rotated and balanced periodically so that it doesn't go out of round and it also needs to have the proper alignment to keep it from wearing out in different places. My body is like that tire. When I was reading about what helped the cancer patients survive, I recognized that there were things in my life that were missing.

I grew up in a large family and we were taught to work. I got my first job when I was 9. It was helping the landlord with his sheep. I did the running in the hills to retrieve the lambs and ewes during lambing season and helped with the feeding, watering and sheering of the sheep.When I wasn't helping there we were in the bean, berry fields and the fruit orchards during the summer or helping around home. So I learned to have a strong work ethic. Life was never intended to be all work. It is to be rotated with rest and leisure activities. Even my leisure activities of gardening ect. have work involved with them. I need to give my body a rest, when I am tired out I need to rest instead of staying on my feet to keep awake.I tend to push myself to get as much work done as possible in a days time and by night time I am exhausted. I need to stop that and take time to rest during the day. I need to treat myself once in a while too. Maybe it is a day off with friends or family to just go and have some fun and enjoyment but that is a part that I have been lacking in as well. It is wholesome recreation to help my body and mind to restore and balance itself. The next thing I need to work on is eliminating bad foods from my diet. For the most part I have a very good diet but after getting diagnosed with cancer and wanting to know what or where i went wrong to allow this to take over I discovered that there were things I need to correct. I love to bake and do canning but I discovered, through study that white, refined sugars and flours actually feed cancer cells. I have discovered that the more a food is processed the greater harm it does to the body. So my cooking and eating habits have to change. I have already started that process. This cancer is a time out and a wake up call for me.
My life is out of balance and I need to be kinder to my body and in the long run to my spirit.